This is my first time on this website so I assume I’m allowed to rant about what’s going on right now..
I had a drug problem for a while which took my whole life away, or so it seems. I’m not as close with my parents as I used to be. I say the rudest things to them and now my mom won’t speak to me. It hurts but I guess that’s what I get. From doing drugs so much I feel like I’ve become a completely different person on the outside, but inside I’m still the same.. I just choose not to show it to anybody in fear of getting hurt.. I quit school when I was only in grade eight due to rape.. I was stupid not to go back and I’m struggling so hard to get my GED. I don’t have a job because I can’t seem to keep one.. I have no idea where I’m going in life and I feel so lost like I won’t make it on my own someday..
3 comments
You know, I have thought about this a LOT lately since I see miserable people everyday and I am a drug user. From my observations of others and myself, I think that no matter what you decide to do, drugs or not, in the end people who have had a hard upbringing eventually do the same as you and me. Sometimes I think drugs can speed up the process of becoming hardened to the outside world, but I think that’s just the shitty part of growing up – realizing that the world is more fucked up than you first thought and realizing that being part of the world makes you fucked up regardless of who you are. Too many choices, too many outside influences who want their interests put ahead of yours, too many people to please and contradicting advice from every different angle – this is what everybody has to live amongst if they live in a city. At some point everything thinks to themself “How did I get here and what have I become?”, although there are people who don’t really think, and they seem to be the happy ones. The happy ones, I think, are either oblivious or faking it.
Anyway since you seem to be asking for help on what to do, I’d say start faking something. If there’s something you really want, go out and fake it, make an ass out of yourself even. Just do what you want and have fun with it, and I know it’s hard to do something when everyone around you wants you to do something else, but sometimes you gotta burn bridges to make progress. Also, you might say that you don’t want to do anything, but that’s probably because you’re in a bad situation which is making you depressed. Maybe getting out and going somewhere different for a while will clear the clouds in your head and you might actually feel the urge to do something you used to enjoy.
I wish I could take my own advice…
Dwindling communication with others. Uncertainty of future. Right? Who hasn’t been there. Improve the first and the rest will follow. You don’t have to bare your soul, but don’t be afraid to introduce the subject.
To think you’ve gone through so much, yet here I am bathing in sorrow for low nearly worthless shit.
I’d send a hug virtually if I could, or if you’re willing to travel halfway around the world we could get together and do karaoke. Singing till our voices gets hoarse.
I don’t know if this helps. Perhaps not.
But I hope that you’d remember one moment, one instance in your life wherein you made someone smile. Just a smile. No matter how small it is.
And I want you to know that it takes such an amazing person to do such a feat.
😀