I need to stop procrastinating

Okay first post, found this thing and seems a bit more up my street than all these other forums- seems to be acceptable to say I want to die and NO i don’t want to be saved just want to get this stuff out my head before i go even more nuts than i already am.

It hardly like we can chat away with friends and family over dinner.. anyways i feel like the box i am living in is getting smaller and smaller and im isolating myself more and more- i don’t think this stupid weather and it getting dark half way thru the sodding afternoon is helping my swing mood much either, so on top of my crazy personality and thru the roof anxiety i appear to be meeting depression again…fanfuckingtastic..one advantage to this is at least it might stop me faffing about and putting off my suicide. I have everything ready after years of planning and researching ect ect and yet i am still here…and if possible hating everything with more passion than ever. my problem? TERRIFIED OF DYING ALONE…and no im not asking for a suicide pact because that would just be werid and even more morbid. I hate my own company so damn much it just seems so unfair to have to put up with it at the end of my life instead of having a nice drink and laugh before the end rather than all this sneeking about…doesnt help that my anxiety is screaming at me..rant over gotta put on the mask and go out for lunch…fun..hope your all holding up the best you can

X