I cant take thing any more. I used to be a strong, lively person. I never used to get disheartened over any problems coming in my life. I fell in love with a girl 3 yrs ago. We used to have little fights now and then and everytime it was me who used to go to her and make it up, even when there was no mistake from my end. I have always been kind with her. I have introduced her to my family too. These days what ever i do she has problems with it. I try to find out whats the matter, she denies, i feel she needs time so try to leave her with her friends , she complaints, I try to be with her she denies. A week back when i went to her place, she was boozing right in front of my eyes. I asked her to stop it, she does nt, I requested her , cried and begged , she does nt listen. I try to be as much kind to her as possible she does nt understand. I dont feel like being with her. But when I come back home my mother asks me about her, when she finds me upset she too inturn blames me if i fought with her. My mother loves her. Another prob is I too love her a lot, Even with all these things i still take it as difficult times and try to forget it. But now a days i dont get sleep . Whenever i am with her, She hurts me with her words, she wants me to walk in her shoes always, I tried doing that too, but she s still unhappy. I cant leave her alone coz i care for her. I am completely disgusted with my life. I WANT TO DIE………
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Hi young man
It seems that you at least realize how she behaves with you, her attitude towards you. This is the typical example of a fatal relationship of emotional dependency from your side and the abusing part from the other, who is dominating and hangs out with you because it is nice to have someone around crawling behind. This is the pure exertion of cruelty of one upon the other. You are with her because you have emotional lags that you need to fill and you subject yourself to all kinds of vexations in the quest for love and cuddling.
What you do in your imaginary representations is depict her with all her charm and beauty and sensuality, idealizing her values and other attributes. Your mind leads you to creating a false image of what she is and you end up blaming yourself for not having been good enough, so you will apologize and she will still hold less respect at you for your errors and mistakes and “stupidity”, in her eyes.
You need to gain your own identity as an individual, with your intelligence, your values and your personality and become a compact set of assets instead of going to pieces behind dominating girls.
The emotional dependency is the most common lack of suffering in relationships and most people dont even realize their own problems. They truly think they are in love in the same way that an anorexic girl weighting 60 pounds will assure you that she is fat.
So it is irrelevant how she behaves or what she does next to you. Even if she came to kiss your shoes, you should go away from that because you have a lot of work to do with yourself before engaging in any other relationship.
Dont argue this point. Follow it. You will start feeling much better really soon.
Forget about your mothers opinion about her. It takes intelligence to analyze characters and I am good at it.
So feel enthusiastic about yourself because you are young, you have a great project of reconstructing your personality and you will be looking forward to meet a really caring and kind person next time.
Hugs
O