This month marked 10 months since my son Daniel took his own life and ripped my soul in two. I advocated on here in my sons name trying to help those in despair with even a little hope and look at me now. I can’t go outside. I hate myself for failing my son. I take 15 different medications every day to help with the symptoms of PTSD, yet the flashbacks remain. I really don’t want to live, yet I fear death. I thought about OD but read it was painful and I cant do pain. Everything in my life has exploded in my face. I am alone now. Forever. I hate that I am alone….. he should have killed me first if he was going to take his life!!!!!! Oh F–K I miss you so bad Daniel, How can I get to you. I feel sick now….
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3 comments
I lost a friend to suicide about 16 months ago, and I know how hard it’s been for his parents. You can’t blame yourself though. It’s a terrible thing that happened but it wasn’t your fault. Your son would never have killed you because he loved you, so try to take some solace from that. Try to remember him rather than grieve over him. I know that’s impossible, but it’s just something we have to try our best to do. I hope you can make it through this, and my thoughts are with you.
The pain of losing someone will never fully go away. It is a sad fate I wish on no one. All we can do is live for them. If you ever want to talk about him to someone I am all ears. His memory will not be blurred with the death of another – live for him. Do not die because of him.
He would not want that.
I am so so sorry that you have to deal with this pain. Did you know why or was it a shock? Either way know that he is always near and even though he is gone your love will never die.