I was on here a couple of months ago

  October 16th, 2011 by Purmi

… Planned to kill myself with a knife in my bathtub. Should have known it wasn’t going to work. But i suppose it was more of a wild hope to start with.

*warning. boring rant. proceed at your own risk*

It’s ironic. I’m failing school, and i should be heads deep with school work, but i just can’t make myself care. I can’t even keep track of what i’m supposed to be doing. It’s all blank to me. Instead i find myself dreaming of doing something productive i can be happy with. If only that was school related *sigh* *I spend my days doing nothing. I attend classes, but then, i always do, no matter what. It’s easier to pretend you’re still in touch with what’s going on that way, it gives you some sort of illusion of doing something useful, and you don’t have to make up lies when your parents ask. Really though, i’m 20 years old. I shouldn’t have to hide things from my parents… Pff, yeah, right.

I don’t have the ability to work. Maybe i did once, but it’s nowhere now. They don’t need to know that. They wouldn’t believe it. I know I shouldn’t.

Whatever… It’s almost 1 am. I’ve got school tomorrow. I only have two classes a week. The boredom is driving me crazy. But in some ways it’s better.

… I would have ended this entry with the first poem i remember writing outside of school, but it seems it’s disappeared. Unsettling. Really…

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