If Heaven wasn’t made for us?

  October 29th, 2011 by ShadowCorpse

Being a ‘goth’ is never easy. 18 and hated by the neighbours,. perhaps its not a fashion statement, its a deathwish? everywhere i go, dirty looks the shouting, and why is this? whats so ‘wrong’ about me? its just the way i dress. im sure they’d complain more if i was naked? well who knows. i live in constant fear that someone is always near. breathing down my spine ready to strike. of course this is all exagerated but its still what i sometimes think. living next to the local school in which i had the misfortune of spending 5 years there, and the very place that destroyed the very little confidence i had. and reduced me to nothingness, how delighful? and people wonder why im so ‘depressed’? yes i have the pale white skin, long black hair and the peircings which in time will make it almost impossible to get  job. however im still human right? i do matter dont i? these questions which no one is going to read are a bit annoyng now arent they? yes, what can be done?

sitting in the dark, drinking my own blood when a voice it whispers. ‘hello my love’ … no none of this happened however it is 1.33am, and i cant sleep and if i am honest i dont know why i am writing this? as its awful grammer. it appeals to no one. and furthermore i presume most of the people on this site are american. so you wont understand many of my ‘english’ terms, so ill try to keep it black and white and not in colour. ooh spelling mistake? i think not. finally who is going to read this, when it doesnt flow? and makes little sense? however this is my first post and its more auto-biographical than anything, the next few will have more relevence im sure.

which reminds me i need to paint my nails. ready for another onslaught of abuse tommorrow :’), you may think why do you dress like this? ill tell you why, because i cant stop.  its a curse, a hex, ill tell you what comes next, 11 piercings and 5 tattoos, which i am rather fond of, i feel like they are ettched on my skin well the tattoos in particular. i have the long hair as it is practical and i dislike the fact its stereotyped for males to have short hair. i like to be different and break the norm. i just dont know why i should get abused for it? its discrimination right? like racism. which is illegal? yet bullying and yes that is what it is. bullying someone for being a ‘goth is fine. its about now i wonder is there a word count on this thing? hmm no idea. i wear makeup. for two reasons. one: its my form of war paint as everyday seems to be a constant battle with society who neither cares if i live or die, if i was dead they’d just find someone else to abuse, oh the fickleness of some. and secondly as i’m rather very alot massively hugly unhappy with my appearance i try to hide myself, and people see the grotesque makeup, and not whats underneath.

AND now to end as i really cant be bothered writing no more. and if you did glance at this and have read to here, i am impressed thank you. however yes goodbye and what not. til next time, unless we all die. which is possible.



… morbid i know.

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