I’m awake

  October 2nd, 2011 by RogueShadow1281

3:42 A.M.
Haha it’s really late I always post some time after midnight but before the sun comes up. Maybe Rogue Shadow is still here inside me. That deep, dark side of me where a paper cut is all it takes to see the evilness inside me. It could be that I’m just deprived of sleep, having an intellectual…. Intellectual high point? well anyways, I always wanted a black cloak hoodie thing like the creature from the village, Jedis and siths from star wars, or even from assassins creed (in which I haven’t played but would like to). I want one to conceal my wretched face, jk but to hide myself in a shadowlike cloak.

I haven’t seen Nycolle anywhere around school anymore, too bad though, because I really miss seeing her face even when I’m not even close to her or anything. Ugh I hate myself. I want to destroy my existence I’m just a ***** and not even worth saving. I am at a point of feeling wOrthless, but… Rogue Shadow now whispers insight, but I don’t listen to him anymore. I choked myself so much, my brain takes a lot longer to realize shit. Anyways I’m not 100% depressed but the depression still has good grip on me and tugs at me at random times and gets more powerful at keywords. I read on thatsphucked.com about supposed /Sinaloa/ cartel members got dumped… Sinaloa is all i saw in this cloud of darkness where my depression envelopes me… Its significant because Nycolle’s family is from Sinaloa in Mexico and it reminded me of her. I want Nycolle at my side but I wouldn’t be able to even look at her without getting so nervous I do something wrong or stupid. My headrests goes extremely up when I get a message from her. I wouldn’t know how to ask her out or even tell her I’m madly in love with her. She is perfect no matter who disagrees. It’s not a mistake to say no to me. If I were her with all her beautiful and amazing features compared to my blemished and zit face vs. her clean bright face her cute faceial structure to my whatever face her amazingly perfect smile that melts you away to my crooked fucked up smile that never shows except at the occasional laughter. She has large breasts (in which I like but are not necessary but I’m glad she has it I’m indifferent about them not a pervert). I don’t even remember her voice. Because my minds so fucked up. Not to sound perverted or stalkerlike. I would like to record her voice to hear her speak, that would at least fill my void slightly. I want to choke again but worry that my grades are plummeting due to my brain losing it’s power

Maybe I might cry tonight… Oh wait it’s just allergies that make my nose runny. My mother excused me from taking the vaccinations maybe it’s a tiny thing from not taking the shots. I hope whooping cough can kill me. Anyone want to cut my throat with a chainsaw especialkly if you are going insane that will seal the deal. I already went insane a couple times for brief moments. I held a knife whole at the door to my brothers room but it nodded off. I tried cutting with a tiny pocket knife I didn’t cut fast enough or not apply enough pressure do you do it slowly and hard or fast and hard??? I probably will die a virgin… Why because I play video games all day I am ugly get too nervous asking a girl out and cant even see why a girl would want me. I’m sweet, yes, but that won’t do good because jocks as we call them get in the big picture as I stay out of it. I wish I had that cloak to keep myself away from the world hold a silenced G18C with red dot sight, extended knife mags (my idea of a magazine with ballistic magazines witha knife at the end for easy slicing and an extra shot) dual wield but anyways it’s not possible because I can’t get one to use and shit. i will put I will survive as a tag as not to put fear that I will kill myself…

Processing your request, Please wait....