Last year, my daughter went down to the garage, tied one end of a belt to a rafter and the other end around her neck, and kicked the chair that she stood on away.
Of course, the belt wasn’t tied tight enough on either end to support her, and she fell to the floor. After I found her laying there, I pulled a thick rope from my workbench and showed her how to tie a knot. Then I showed her where I kept the Glock.
I’ve always wanted to kill myself. How sweet would that be? No more blackness, pain. Feeling like a dog who’s been run over by a car but still breathing. I’ve become an expert at not killing myself: little games like Do Something Else Destructive, Orgy (when I was single), Radical Life Change (join the Marines, quit my job and go back to school), Wait One More Day…
But I’ve never tried to kill myself. I would never “try” to kill myself. Because I’m not a poser. I’d just do it. What kind of idiot “tries” to kill themselves? Take a gun, put it in your mouth, and pull the trigger.  What I won’t do, and what I won’t have my daughter do, is “try” to off ourselves. We talk, sure, and that can get bad, but suicide is off the table.
Does that sound tough? I don’t feel tough. I really don’t. But I guess that’s how a depressed person makes it to the age of 46.
8 comments
how does a depressed person get involved in orgies? It seems as if my depression gives off a foul odor that repels most normals as I haven’t had a date in 2 years. How do I get from 25 to 46?
It is absolutely twisted that when you saw your daughter trying to kill herself, you showed her how to actually do it next time. I find that utterly psychopathic, monstrous cruel and abominable specially coming from her own mother.
This would have torn a person to pieces, let alone a mother, yet she is on the brink of next time. I dont want to write more about this post, I am disgusted without limits
I didn’t know what to think at first, but I guess I support what you did.
Suicide is serious business, and I think the fact that it is so taboo and inaccessible actually makes us think of it in an immature way.
Many of us fantasize about it without really admitting what a radical and violent act it is. So it becomes something romantic.
I think you maybe punctured the balloon and took out the romantic part, leaving your daughter with an understanding of how banal and sad act it really is.
Or so I hope.
@ tphg:
You can’t. Because the moment you get involved, your depression goes away.
I agree with oracle…. o_____o”
taango, the feeling is mutual.
Suicide is definitely not a game. You either do it or you don’t. Pseudo suicides get under my skin.. If that makes me a heartless psychopath or whatever then so be it. Opinions differ. Not my problem.
@oracle, I don’t think anyone should be judging anyone for being ‘twisted’ on a suicide forum.
As Taango clearly states, she does not entertain suicide ‘attempts’, you either do it or don’t it. So I am guessing this lesson, from parent to daughter, was more about giving the tools and full disclosure/knowledge to the daughter, so that her daughter can make an informed decision. Often in those cases, being confronted with the reality of death can force people to re-evalute, when before they might not have been thinking clearly.
I applaud you for giving full disclosure on one option – but did you try the other option? Have you taken your daughter to therapy or tried medication? Because it’s unfair to give full disclosure on how to die, without at the same time giving full disclosure on how to live.
tphg: I did alot of things sexually to “cope”. I ended up with Herpes, but fortunately my future spouse had it, too. My daughter was a cesarian. All I can say about 25 to 46 is: day by day.
oracle: maybe you’re right, but my daughter seems to have recovered, and today has a strength and a positive outlook I’ve never had. My daughter isn’t perfect, but if the whole world went to crap tomorrow, I think she has the toughness to deal with it in a way her peers don’t.
muspelhem: I hope, too.
one_day: that’s an excellent point. She seems fine now, but I’m a great believer in therapy. Saved my marriage. People must realize, though, that therapy is no magic bullet. My thought is that life is just unbelievably freaking hard, and that we must prepare ourselves to deal with that reality. As a matter of fact, I actually find that working out helps.