I just made this profile so I’ll tell my story now.
School and friends- So When I started at school I got a stick in my eye. I didn’t get blind! I was pretty lucky but I didn’t, and the person who stuck the stick in my eye still don’t feel bad about it. It’s nine years ago now. The second and the third year on school I was bullied. The fourth year, I finally got friends. I though I got friends. We were a huge crowd of girlsfriends! but what I didn’t notice was that they backstabbed me all the time. None of them really liked me. One of those girls liked me, and she was my best friend, but she moved away. When our school and other school got together, I left those other “friends”. First I got with some other that were just like those I just left. Then I were alone for a while. I started to talk to random people, that soon become my friends. My ex-best friend moved back, she didn’t talk to me. I were really confused. Then I slowly got some friends. Then this rumor started. The rumor said that I  fingered on cam to get boys to do a hand job on cam. That wasn’t true. Something that was true were that the one that started the rumor was someone I though were my friend and the girl that stuck the stick in my eye. The hole school knew about the rumor. Most of them believed it. I got on real good friend after a while, but we did fight a lot. A year after the rumor, I was kinda popular. I had loads of friends. But lots of drama happen.  Now, two years after the rumor I have two best friends that I really love. I lost the other. I have more friends but I don’t know if I can truly truss them, or if they really like me.
Family- Until I told my mom about the depressing things(I’ll explain later) she always did yell at me. All the time, and my step-dad always agreed. I have never really had a relationship whit my “real” father. I spend a lot time with my grandma (my father’s mother). I talked to her about everything, she was the only one I could truss. She were always there for me. She loved me, and I loved her (a lot). I have no words for how much that woman meant for me. She was also the only one that made me meet the other side of my family (My father’s side). I loved them. We did loads of fun. A year, 8 months and a week ago she died. She had cancer and died. I did lose my everything. + I lost half of my family. Now I don’t speak much to the other half of my family. My dad text me sometimes, I don’t text him back. It’s not that I don’t want to, I just don’t know what to say, and it’s too much to handle. I miss them, a lot. I miss my grandma, it still hurts.
Broken heart- When my ex broke up with me, it really hurt. It still hurt, he meant a lot.
Depression- When my grandma died it all started. I started to self-harm and I had thoughts about suicide. At the start I didn’t really notice how hard it really were for me. It just got worse and worse. Four-five months ago I started to see the doctor and talk about my problems. My doctor sent me to some psychologist, that send me to another psychologist a month ago. That other psychologist, made me talk to them and to another one. That other one again sent me to another psychologist(that I haven’t talked to yet) Before all this I told the hole story to the school doctor and the school psychologist. So after I have talked to the one Im going to in a week I have told the hole story to 8 psychologist. To tell the story from the start eight times haven’t got me really far. Im getting really tired of telling the story over and over again.
I have tried to kill myself five times. Two times with pills, once with choking myself and two time with cutting my wrist. Last time I tried to kill my self I cut my wrist and it’s less than a week ago.
I have no hope anymore, I don’t know what to do. Im gonna try to make everyone believe that everything is better now. I don’t know why, but this is only getting worse and worse. It’s never been this bad!
(sorry my grammar)
2 comments
i’m so sorry for u but suicide isnt the awswer…
everything’s not lost. when i read this, it kinda reminded me of my story because its similar but that was a couple of years ago. the thing is that you cant let it all get to you. its better to have no friends than fake friends trust me they just end up hurting you in the end. its hard at first but its gets easier in the end. me and my mom use to have a similar relationship but i found out that they are just there to help you its better to try and talk to her rather than just ignoring her. and your grandma might have passed away but she is in heaven watching you now and i bet she wouldn’t want to see you like this. this is a lot to go through and its tough but if you ever need someone to talk to you can come talk to me