October 20th, 2011 by traylee_raye

I guess I am just going to post some things about my recovery if anyone cares to read this, maybe it can help you.

I started having suicidal thoughts at the age of 13 when I went through a stage where I couldnt seem to please any of my family, friends, or current boyfriend. I felt like I couldnt do anything right, I didnt have anyone to confide in or talk to, and my life was pretty much at rock bottom. I spent three whole years depressed, drinking, smoking pot, & cutting myself whenever I felt too overwhelmed. I stopped caring about school & almost failed every class I was taking. I quit playing sports or participating in anything at my school. I stopped spending time with my loved ones & started hanging out with a group of people who only drank & smoked pot. I was literally  a piece of shit at the time & couldnt think of any other way to fix things but by commiting suicide. But then one day I got drunk & drove off a 30 foot cliff on a four-wheeler. Luckily, someone found me & I was able to get to the hospital, but I almost didnt make it through that. It was definintely a wake up call for me. I took life more seriously after that & decided that I was the only one with the capability to change it for myself. Ive been completely clean for two years with no alchohol or drugs at all. Ive never been closer to my family, & I am now engaged to a wonderful man who treats me like I never thought anyone could.

The purpose of this post is just to show everyone that when you think your life is as low as it can get, it will get better. But only if you make the changes for yourself that you need to make. Suicide is not the solution. Im not trying to be some “goody to shoes ” or anything like that because I have been where most people on this site are. But there is hope, no matter what is going on in your life right now. I just dont want anyone on here to give up & stop fighting for your life because everyone has a purpose & one day, you are all going to make a difference for someone in this world.

Just know that none of you are alone. If you think you have no one to talk to or relate to, talk to me, please. I dont know anyone on here personally, but I am here if anyone needs anything ever. You are all loved by someone & I would love to help anyone that needs it.

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