save me from myself

  October 21st, 2011 by filthy_youth

ok so i joined this site cuz I think i’ve reached my breaking point and i just wish someone or anything can help me because i dont think i can take this anymore.. Im 18 years old and since i can remember ive pretty much hated myself.. I started cutting when I was 12 and have been doing it on and off since(wow i didnt realize its been so long since i just typed that smh)..I honestly dont feel alive..I go day to day as a zombie just waiting for the day to finish..when i get something thats good in my life i feel happy for a bit then feel like i dont deserve it and its back to depression…at night before i sleep i pray that i never have to wake up and then the next morning im filled with sadness because im still here… Ive written suicide notes and contemplate it every day honestly the only reason why i havent done it is because thought of hurting my family is soo hard. but lately i dont know if thats enough to stop me.. I feel numb, my heart isnt in anything anymore and my mind is all over the place… i try to talk to friends but they dont get it..just think its something temporary and by 2morrow i’ll be fine.. little do they know i feel like this everyday. im tired of faking smiles and pretending im ok..I feel like a waste, so hopeless and i dont deserve to be here. I wish so hard for this pain to go away but it never does.
all this escalated when the guy i was absolutely in love with died 3 months ago.. that was the icing to the cake. i just really dont want to live on anymore… why doesnt it justend :[

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