So ready to be done.

October 7th, 2011by sinjan

First off, I’m not suicidal.  Have I thought about it?  Yes, but I just can’t do it for way too many reasons.  But man oh man am I ready to be done with living.  It’s just too hard.  I’m used up.  Empty.  The pain, worry, fear and struggle have taken over.  I feel nothing positive.  I think I’ve even lost my ability to really care about others.  I’m shutting them out.  I’m locking myself down because I can NOT absorb any more.  Since it seems for now my body must continue to function, then I would just as soon withdraw from the world.  A deserted island sounds like paradise.  I empathize with hermits and wish I could convert.  I feel like a scratched, cracked, chipped vase.  The life giving water long evaporated and a single, withered, brown, brittle rose on a broken stem, drooping down the side.  Nothing left of any value.  Long past time for it to have been tossed out.  I see no chance of any improvement.  All I see on the road ahead looks exactly as that behind me.  Worse in fact.  I’m not the only one crumbling.  Humanity as a whole is falling apart.  Reverting to savagery.  I look at man as a species and see the animal taking over.  I find the majority can be classified as either wild dogs or sheep.  I do not care to be either.  I see those around me, those I have let close, self destruct.  I see them compromise themselves and others with out care.  I see them use and abuse the care and trust of others without remorse.  Like leeches, they latch onto their hosts and suck everything out of them.  Gorging themselves thoughtlessly while their hosts struggle to survive.  I’m so tired. So empty. So used up. Can I be done now?  Please?  Whatever I did to bring this on I can promise I heartily regret.  Would I do anything different if I could go back?  Hell yes.  But I’ll be dammed if I’d go back to start with.  No way in hell I want to go through life twice.  Once is bad enough.  I need a fast forward button not a rewind.  The movies over so let’s just skip the credits and go to the last frame.  The one that says….. THE END

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