How is anyone to say that suicide is wrong? At the moment (2011), I am 18 years old. I have been causing myself pain since I was four. I would bite myself until I would bleed, or do other related things. First time i tried killing myself was in the THIRD grade. That means I knew from an early age I hated life. Abusive fathers, dead brother, sadistic mother who enjoyed manipulating people including her own daughter (being me), rape victim… There are very few things I can say have honestly made me happy, and they didn’t last long. I have tried everything. Therapy, medications, opening up to friends (never ends well)…you name it-I’ve tried it. I remember when i was in my early teens I would cry and pray from whatever higher power there may be to kill me, because I just didn’t have the means to do so at the time and I was helpless, hopeless, and depressed beyond all means. Of course, nothing happened.
Later I began to seriously cut. I became obsessed with pain. Then came the age when all you want is to be pretty. Everyone said I was beautiful or attractive, until they saw the cuts. So I stopped cutting. I invested in piercings. I would pierce something, take the ring out so it would heal, then re-pierce it later on.
Now, I’m sure for people who have happy lives and enjoy their days…that suicide…seems awful. But for those who can’t go one day without having a panic attack..without being hurt by the people who should love them…who lose everyone they ever got close to…suicide is like retiring. No longer have to put the effort to smile when people are around, because god forbid anyone ever know you’re in pain.
3 comments
I’m so sorry. I cannot even begin to comprehend what you must be going through. Personally, I don’t believe suicide is wrong. I think everyone has a right over their own life, and have the right to end their suffering.
But I also understand the other side of the argument. Most people think suicide is wrong because it’s like murdering yourself, and robbing the people who loved you from your presence.
I don’t know, I’m so confused myself. I genuinely hope that your pain eases. I know, it’s easier said than done, and you are welcome to scoff at me for suggesting it. But I do genuinely hope. I wish for everyone’s pain to ease.
suicide is just an option. i think human must be a fool, if he goes to suicied and stays alive. Those we hate the most. But if person really has balls to do that – respect. Its not so easy ! !! !
I took like 40 suiciders out of death with my hands. Hate them. Pretending for getting a sorrow, coz cant find it in life on normal ways.
But i respect those who can do it. Even my lover, when he did that, i was angry, later i felt respect – up to him !
We are the leaders of our destiny.
Keep trying. There is relief of suffering out there. Your pain is real, but your strength is too. And to be honest I believe you are stronger than your urges as everyone is. You say you have looked everywhere for help, but if you have stopped looking than you have not. Never stop looking for relief, even if it comes to looking to help others find relief it is more than just punishing yourself for the things others have done.