The old me died

  October 20th, 2011 by macky14321

I attempted suicide the very first time when I was 10 years old in 5th grade. I lit my basement on fire. As I walked down into the basement after the smoke had filled it I blacked out. I cam back to awareness on the phone with 911.

Next when I was 12 I slit my wrists. I did it in the bath tub so there would be a more contained mess. I remember waiting and then suddenly I was all bandaged up. I have no scars.

When I was 13 I tried to overdose. I took all the pills I could get and went to sleep for what I expected to be forever. I woke up and was puking in the toilet with no memory of getting to the toilet.

A few months later I tried to overdoes again. This time I do not even remember puking I only woke up and saw my toilet full of the contents of my stomach.

Freshman year of high school I was 14 and things were going great: I had great friends, great grades, and I made the softball team… came back from practice one day and my parents told me we were going to move to Minnesota. We moved and I was doing fine. Things were exciting and different. I got adjusted and was in my Junior year and I made varsity for softball and was doing great, but I still could not get thoughts of how I should die to leave my mind. It was getting worse than normal. I could not sleep. Everything was going downhill. Finally my plans came together. I drove my friend back after practice and then I drove over a highway bridge that was over an interstate. I knew the impact would not kill me, but a car or bleeding would. I jumped off the bridge onto the highway.

I stopped traffic. I was not hit by any cars. No cars hit each other. In one of the nearby cars was a nurse. I woke up in the Hospital in insane amounts of pain, but I was still alive and still functioning. I have not had a suicidal wish since.

I spent most of the summer of 2008 in the hospital… I had broken my pinky toe, hit the left side of my head and received stitched right over my left eyebrow, and the more damaging: I broke and shattered my pelvis in 5 spots. I healed quickly and was entered into inpatient. I got out after 8 days even though I was a sarcastic jerk, but I played the good girl even though my pain meds were not doing everything I needed to make the pain in my body go away. I went into the doctor after a couple weeks and was informed that my pelvis had healed wrong. I needed to have my pelvis re-broken and surgically put back together. After 9 hours under I was in traction/bedrest for 7 weeks. This was the worst and best experience of my life.

After getting out I went to Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and individual therapy for about a year. I am currently attending a university and happy. I know that whatever was wrong in my head is gone now and I am a different person.

I will get help if I need it so that: Never again will I attempt

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