The one I love

I’m writing here because my mother is sick. She has an autoimmune disease and I just found out that she told one of her good friends that she wanted to commit suicide. If that friend hadn’t talked her out of it, my mother would have been dead for two weeks already. My family talked to her, and I talked to her privately. She promised me that she would never take her life, that she was just scared and hopeless. She is terrified that her disease will get worse and that her quality of life will just continue to be depleted. She cries every day, and desperately clings to me and says that I (and my dad) are the only things keeping her afloat. Up until this point I have been strong, but now I can’t sleep at night. I’m haunted by what may come to pass. I love my mom more than anyone, and the strength of my love is endless. If she killed herself, I don’t know how I could go on. I’m not asking for advice, I just need someone….anyone… to read this, and to understand. And for those of you contemplating suicide (as I have, at one point in my life), there are people who will be devastated if you leave. I’m crying writing this because I want to cease my mom’s pain but there is no way. It hurts more than anything I could ever describe.