The Sharpest Lives Are The Deadliest To Lead

  October 13th, 2011 by FriendOfAFriend

So I doubt many of you remember when I first got here, there’s only one of you who is still alive. Here’s a snippet of my story, like you actually care :P. As I’ve said before I’ve been depressed for a long time but it never really hit me until the 9th grade. That’s when I found SP. That’s when it sort of started. I had googled suicide for whatever reason and ended up here. It took a few months before I actually started an account. After that I started venting, searching for good methods, and cutting/burning. See the thing is that I sorta kept everything in, never let anything out. So yes, venting helped but only for so long. I started cutting/burning last year, I started to cut and burn because I doubted reality. I think so much it’s unhealthy and I’m sure some of you saw the discussion that some of us had about thinking ourselves into insanity. Well I had convinced myself that there was no proof that any of this was real, that we existed (f*ck I should really learn how to spell)  ect. Point is I doubted reality (sometimes I still so) and I felt numb so at first cutting worked but burning gave me a feeling of being alive. I haven’t self harmed for 8 months now I believe. I also looked for methods because growing up I had an idea of how I wanted to kill myself even from a young age. I wanted to “fall asleep” but as you probably all know they changed cars and you can’t use them for Carbon Monoxide Poisoning unless you have a very old car. So my plans foiled I decided on a low hang (more commonly known as a way to get high) it cuts off the flow of blood to the brain and you die within 2 minutes I think. So back in the present right now where I still doubt reality but don’t plan on killing myself or feel the numbness I had once felt, I decide to look at old posts which reminds me of one last thing before I continue my story here. I was convinced that distancing my self from this site would help me recover so I asked my friend for a long sentence that I would never remember I copied it and changed my password, I erased my trail knowing I would try and come back and just like my account was gone. After a few months I had to come back but I would never regain my old account because  I had prevented myself form getting a new password and such (we’ll get to why I wanted my old account back so bad in a minute) and so I started a new account called “FrontierPsychiatrists” and used the nickname feature to regain my old title. This was around the last time I spoke to some of the original friends I had on here. Once again we return to the present where I decided to re-read old posts. There are few on this account but still enough for me to get the idea. Anyway when I returned to read them I recognised my writing style but the words written where not mine, I had no memory of ever writing them and I had a hard time believing that I had written such things. There really is no point to this…… At one point in time I will return to this post and not remember writing it either, oh well…

Thanks for reading as usual,

Friend Of A Friend

Processing your request, Please wait....