The things i think.

I know i am depressed but i would never want anyone to know, i think about killing myself almost everyday. Why not? Maybe in the next life i won’t be like this, maybe i will be a better person. A perfect person. Even if nothing happens after we die i think that would be better than this. Nothing actually sounds pretty good. No one knows i feel like this and honestly if i died they would get over it. I am an ugly, worthless, fat piece of shit. People use me because i don’t stand up for myself, i am too worried that i will say something careless and people wont like me. I try to be a good person but i am not. I think about these things all day, all the time, they are the only thoughts running through my head when i am alone. Then i think ‘ wow your a *****, there are people with real problems and you are crying because you hate who you are’. Its not like i have a reason to be depressed, i have a really great family a few close friends, my life isn’t bad. I am just a terrible person, if i am hanging out with someone i think about these things a lot less but lately i have had mass amounts of time by myself.

I really just want these thoughts to end, i am so lonely and it hurts. I have been hurting like this for years and i am sick of it, you can only pretend to be happy for so long before you crack. (I keep re-reading this post thinking that i sound like a *****)