Time crawls and death can’t wait

  October 19th, 2011 by askredead

Today, someone I know came up to me and said “Hey, a friend of mine just hanged himself last week”, and went on to say that I looked like I might have been thinking of it. He said that he hoped that I felt like I could talk to him about anything if I was thinking of suicide.

All I could think of was how much I hated him for asking if I was suicidal, and felt like saying something along the lines of “You ****, why do you think your other friend killed himself, did you do anything to actually help him? I bet you just said that same old ‘I’m here for you’ bullshit which obviously worked, HUH?”, but instead I sat there and stared off into the distance and mumbled something. I don’t want to talk to anyone about anything.

Which made me realise how serious I actually am about suicide. If I was just looking for attention (side-note: can THIS be viewed as attention-seeking?) then I would be doing something to cry out to those around me, when after a couple of MONTHS of moping around someone finally notices and actually says something. I think that waiting til I’m 27 will only prolong the pain and so in a few weeks I will try an exit bag with chloroform, and if that doesn’t work or if I can’t get a hold of any of the things I need, I will buy a plane ticket to Thailand where it is easy to get a hold of ******** (aka peaceful pill) at a veterinarian. If BOTH plans fall through, then the last resort – dehydration – will come into effect. If it comes to that, it will be a few days of pain but I am willing to make that choice. I don’t want to leave a messed up body from cutting or a body with neck bruises from a noose, or a mangled body from jumping off a building so drugs suit me good.

A quiet death is the one that I want – a death far away from those I know, so that nobody even notices. That way I will be unnoticed both in life and death.

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