Trying

  October 18th, 2011 by Osol

I’m not fully suicidal. Hell, I’m not sure if I really belong here. All I know is I’m in pain. about six years ago I got suicidal. But eventually I got over it. then about 3 years ago, it came back, but I again weathered the storm, and was fine. A little over a year ago I had to move away from my friends, and everything I had work to build up in my life. I slowly got better. I’ve been in this new place, across the country from where I was, and it seems like all I know is pain now.  I have no close friends. Indeed, most of the people I know I don’t think would really care if I went missing.

Its not like I have nothing. I have a few decent friends, but again, they are not close to me, and to be honest I don’t WANT them close to me. But at the same time I do want someone close to my heart. I still have my best friend, but she’s like 2300 miles away from me. I’m alone. Everyday lately seems like a challenge.  Some days, I’m ok or even happy. But it always seems like at the end of the day I go to bed sad, or angry. Or both. You ever listen to that song called “one headlight” by the wall flowers? There’s a line in the song that describes exactly how I feel. “This place is old, it feels just like a beat up truck. I turn the engine but the engine doesn’t turn.”

That’s my life. Pain, loneliness, sorrow, anger. These emotions are my domain. I don’t know. I guess I’m just on here to see if anyone gives a damn.

So until next time I guess. I’ll keep trying to soldier on, and just weather the storm again, as I have before. And for anyone else out there… I encourage you to at least try to weather things out as well.

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