valueless and hopeless

I know exactly what you mean by ‘it gives me comfort’. I started doing that a lot when I was in a really difficult situation, years ago, when I was burdened and stressed way beyond my strength, but had no way out as a single mum with two Little kids and absolutely no family or other support.
One big warning: because of that I became literally addicted to fantasizing about suicide, to the degree where I now have to take Naltrexone, a drug thats usually used to treat Alkoholim or opiate addiction to keep it under control.
So try and limit this, I dont want you to end up as messed up like me.
Instead maybe try doing something you used to enjoy, even if you don’t enjoy it now, exercise, hang with friends, whatever …just distract yourself.