I sit here in the darkness, lit only by my monitor and the light from the kitchen and I want to die. I want to die. It sounds so simple to say out loud, but I can’t utter a word.
Understand i have never been physically abused, suffered from alcoholism or eating disorders, etc that might trigger this. I come from a good home, with a good if unconventional family and have a husband who I love but don’t deserve. I have a steady job and a place to live. Yet, I want to die.
All my life I have been a failure at everything. I thought recently that i had acheived so much but the truth is i just can’t see my failure. I didn’t know i was still a failure. Now i see clear, I see what i have done. And i can’t live with it. I want to die. More specifically, i don’t want to be me anymore. This life is broken and i can’t fix it. I’d like a new one please. And if dying is my way out of this screwed up attempt at a life; so be it.
I will give myself a day. Tomorrow i will say goodbye. Then i will go. Then i will die.
2 comments
E mail me Derdygirl@Hotmail.com
Who decided you were a failure? From what little you let on about yourself this isn’t the case. You are obviously loved and needed. I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through but please don’t do anything rash. Get away from what you know for a while, stay in a place where nobody knows you for a week, a month, do things you enjoy. Know yourself, make sure there is no other solution.