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Why can’t we just go back..

by OneLastSunset

I’m laying here looking out the window..it’s been pouring all day, and the sky is so dark..you can’t see 2 feet in front of you. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat..hell, I broke my foot and a toe..I can’t even walk. So I’m just laying here staring into the gray outside. I can’t stop thinking about them..about how nothing can bring them back..it was a fiancee and daughter, if anyone reading this was wondering. She was a little over a year old, and the most adorable thing ever..she’d play this peek a boo game with a blanket. I think I made a post about it once before..right after it happened.

Anyways, I just can’t stop thinking about the fact that I could have stopped it. Just a few different choices and it’d all be different. Looking out into the gray outside makes me think of the…barrier or whatever of life and death..what’s on the other side? I mean I know what I believe but..I’m still just so damn scared of it..I know I won’t ever see them again…dying won’t reunite me  with anyone but maybe the pain would stop. That’s what I tell myself everyday but still I just lay here and waste away.

Pain is a weird thing…no matter if it’s physical…broken bones…or emotional..a lost family..all you wanna do is go back to before it happened and stop it…but you never can, you can never go back and avoid it, or fix it.

So all i can do is lay here and let it hurt, because, no matter how badly you want to, no matter what you would give..you can never go back..

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7 comments

not here 10/5/2011 - 6:25 pm

It’s true and it sucks. What happened to your family, if you don’t mind me asking

Umbra_Uroboros 10/5/2011 - 6:33 pm

Oh that does suck. Hello there.

Biscuit of Death 10/5/2011 - 6:38 pm

Ohhhhhh, that is nasty, a broken foot and a broken toe, oh my god.
And on top of that all the shit you are going through.
If you want methods I am happy to provide. πŸ˜€

OneLastSunset 10/5/2011 - 9:03 pm

Uh, no..I’m good, I know what I would do.

OneLastSunset 10/6/2011 - 6:00 pm

And, uh..it was a car accident..it was late at night, pouring rain, I was driving.

not here 10/6/2011 - 11:57 pm

I’m really sorry. I know it probably doesn’t help, abs you’ve probably heard it a million times, but it’s not your fault. I’m sure you feel awful and I don’t know the full circumstances, but in times like these you just have to accept that it happened. Again, I’m so sorry for your loss, and you seem to really care. I hope you can feel better. If you want to talk feel free to email me.

birdyful 10/8/2011 - 10:35 am

i am crying for you, i am so sorry.

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