I’m miserable in this life but everytime I think of stepping in front of that train, it scares the crap out of me. I have nothing to live for, no friends and a handful of family that have had it with me. The way my life is, it should be easy for me to do it, but for some reason I keep holding on to life. I wish I had the conviction to just do it, I don’t know what it will take for me to end all this suffering.
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It’s terribly difficult to do because we aren’t programmed to take our own lives. Survival instinct, I guess. There’s also a nagging part in our minds that things CAN get better in the future, no matter how much we deny it.
I think, it’s instinct that you want to live. It scares the crap out of us to die. I kept putting a knife to my wrist, but when I accidentally scrape it, I get scared and start trembling and think “I don’t want to die, it hurts” (I know, very low pain tolerance). I would just stare and wonder if I’ll ever do it. I think, if you ever want to do anything, you’ll have to do something to dull your senses and lose all inhibitions.
The Suicide Project. can you email me the guide you posted about cattattoo@gmail.com
I think that one of the main deterrants to suicide is the prospective pain involved.
Pain, paticularly over an extended period of time, is something you will automatically shy away from.
This is why quick and/or relatively painless methods are the most tried.
Some people go to Ridiculous lengths to acquire “painless” solutions.
If you’re prepared to go to these lengths, it’s probably a sine the you’re not psychologically prepared to actually suicide.
I’m sure that there are simple and efficient methods.
When I find one I’ll . . . . Probably not be able to tell you what it is 😉
Also, you say that you have family. While getting you stuff in order, tying up loose ends, you might just find a reason to keep going.
One last (?) thing.
http://www.cracked.com/article_15658_the-ten-minute-suicide-guide.html
My God, I feel the EXACT same way. Right down to the last detail, because I use the subway everyday. I step up to the ledge, but I can’t find the courage to jump. I agree with the other comments. It is human nature to want to live. There are sometimes that we look to the future, until we realize we aren’t planning on having one. And then the uncertainty starts setting in. You have to keep holding on. The fact that you have doubt, no matter how much you want to die, means that you have a reason to keep living. I know I’m being a hypocrite, but stay strong. Fight it with everything in you, and come to people if you need help, even if its on here. I’m here if you need to talk sreannas@aol.com <3