Waking up in the morning almost seams worse then dying. Knowing that i have to go out and put on a completely fake smile and act all happy for everyone. i have to walk around and pretend like i want to be here. When people look at me they wont even know my thoughts of death, they wont know about the 20 or so cuts on my leg burning with pain. All they will see is some stupid fucked up girl who’s “happy”. If only they could see inside and know how I feel maybe they would say something, but probably not because those who do know don’t care. Sometimes I think that if I had just one person who cared maybe things would be different. But for now I’ve got to suck up all my problems because no one gives a damn, and I get to spend another 16 hours awake living in a hell thinking of my death. How can hell be worse than life now? In hell your already dead, and that’s what i want. Anyways life is just another hell that only some of us get to honor to suffer in, while we watch everyone else who’s “normal” be happy in. They don’t understand, how could they, they aren’t spending there days wishing for a way out.
3 comments
Hey 1324,
You mentioned Hell….Are you religious or not? Because the Hell I’ve grown up hearing about is one of constant torchure and burning fire… I don’t think any life on earth can be that terrible, unless someone’s life is really bad…
You say no one cares, and that’s probably because no one really does. Or at least not in the way you think. I don’t know your life so I can’t say for sure, but your parents pay for your food, maybe some of your clothes, toothpaste, shampoo, yes? Well why would they do that if they didn’t love you in some way that a parent should?You say you have to fake a smile….Usually a good friend can spot when something’s wrong unless that is what they’re used to seeing from you.
I can’t completely understand, like I said I don’t know your life, but I’ve thought about killing myself as well because I can’t stand the expectations of everyone pressing on my chest, all the while I have to wear this stupid mask because no one wants to see pain in this world and I don’t want others to know what’s wrong with me, all the while screaming out to the blank sky for just someone who could listen and help me fix whatever’s wrong.
You say no one cares, but I’m decided to change that. Starting from now on, I’m going to find some way to make you my friend, if that’s ok with you 🙂 And no, this is not to stop you from cutting or killing yourself…. It’s your life and therefore your choice… But I just think that just maybe I might be able to help you feel the tiniest bit better =| If not then…. Well, at least someone cared enough to try, right…?
LonelyLittleGothGirl, u said a good friend can spot a fake smile, yeah thad be fucking great if i had friends, or just one but i dont, know one knows my fake smile even when its right in front of them every day, id rather go to the hell weve all herd about, with torture no one can stand. im ok with physical pain, but its the emotional pain that kills me, litteraly i dnt think i can take anymore…
Kind of in response to Lonelygothgirl, I’ve come to believe that there’s no physical hell – hell is living without faith, and therefore, the negative aspects associated with life without God. Just throwing that out there for a different perspective.
I absolutely hate waking up. Sleep is bliss. It’s my escape from this life and the misery I deal with every day. I once stayed in bed for 5 days straight.