Only 2 people know about this. I got my first boyfriend this year and I had to tell him because it was relevant. I also told my mum a few months back. But that is all. I think I need help. I have had councelling for my many issues in the past, but this is one thing I am not ready to talk face-to-face with someone about. So I thought I would try on here.
At least you’re trying to talk to someone about it, that takes more strength than most people have. And if you don’t mind me asking, did you know the person that did it?
It happened when I was 12. I was out with my friends and I stupidly decided to go home early because it was starting to get dark. I was walking through this short park area by my house, when these two guys came up to me. I won’t go into what they did, but the one guy stood and videotaped the whole thing. Then they left. The whole thing took like 15 minutes, but it felt like hours. It’s something I didn’t deal with well at the time, likemost things in my life. I’m now 18 and I still have nighmare about it. I wake up in the night screaming and thinking it’s happening again. I can’t handle being around men very well. I met my boyfriend on here and I think I’m only comfortable with him because he’s as fucked up as I am and because we talked for ages before we met.
Well just so you know, I’m a guy. I understand the nightmare part perfectly though. I get nightmares from some of the things that screwed me up, I sometimes wake up screaming or crying. But thats only when I’m able to fall asleep.
Did you or your mom ever tell the police?
No, I don’t want to go down that route. It was 6 years ago today that it happened, so I really doubt that nothing will come of it now. I still remember every single second of it, but I never really saw them. I should have gone to the police at the time, although one of the guys told me he had a knife and would come back if I told anybody. I’m sure they all say that, but I didn’t want to risk it at the time.
It’s perfectly understandable, I just thought I’d ask. A friend of mine was molested by her dad and she said that it helped a little when he was arrested. How do you feel around guys, are you just anxious, or do you panic, can you still breath when youre around guys?
It depends on the guy. How they act, what they say, if they’re big (I’m only 5’2 so really tall guys scare me), etc. I’m completely comfortable around my boyfriend. My mum has a new boyfriend. They’ve been going out for about a year now. I never really got on with him – last christmas was an extremely low point for me and that’s when we met him. There was a lot of tension but one niht he and my mum got drunk and he attacked me. He was right in my face yelling at me. I’d only known him a few months, so that was hard. I couldn’t breathe then and I completely freaked. Normally I’m just really anxious and I panic occasionally.
I’m not sure if it will help you at all, but for me describing how or what I feel helps a little bit. Also, I don’t know if you’ve tried writing at all, but it makes me feel separate from what happened, if you havent tried it, I think you should at least give it a shot. What things do you normally do for fun?
I read, swim, listen to music, spend time wth my pets, etc. The usual things. You mean when it happened or my feelings now? When it happened, I didn’t really think of much. One of the first things they told me was thet they had a knife and they would useit if I made a fuss. So I spent the rest of the time thinking about stupid stuff like what I was having for tea and what my friends were doing. It was only a few hours later that it really hit me.
At the minute I only have a cat a rabbit and 2 ferrets. At the beginning of the year I had like 10 pets, but they died over the summer because they caught a virus and it spread. There’s also another cat and a dog at my mum’s place, but I pretty much got thrown out of there last week, so I don’t see them anymore. I told you how I felt at the time. Now I just feel angry, although I have made a huge amount of progress with it this year. I never did anything with these feelings until I told my boyfriend in February. He’s helped me a lot.
Just try to concentrate on the fact that youre making progress. It may sound cheesy, but hope really can help you through the hardest times in life. I live in California, what state/country do you live in?
I’m in the uk. You’re so lucky to live in cali. My boyfriend’s business partner lives over there and it sounds amazing. Be nice to have some of the weather!! I totally agree with you on the hope thing. When you lose hope you may as well just end it all.
Its funny, I can’t wait to leave California, I think I might go over to Ireland. The grass is always greener I guess. I lost hope a few weeks ago and tried to end it all. It obviously didnt work out like I planned. So I definately agree with you on that. How are you eeling right now?
I tried to kill myself 3 times at the end of last year/beginning of this year, so I know how that feels. At the minute I’m not sure how I feel to be honest. There’s too much going on. I definately feel better than I did at this point last year, so I’m hopeful and I hold on to that. I’m having some relationship issues at the minute, which is really stressing me out. Losing my boyfriend would absolutely send me backwards. He’s my best friend, so I have to wait and see how that one works out!! How about you?
If he’s your best friend then you should try to remain friends whether he’s the one or not. There are some great friendships that I lost because of relationships and other stupid reasons. And right now, I’m feeling pretty good, I’m just watching TV and talking to a complete stranger that seems like a really awesome person.
I’m really hoping it doesn’t come to that. We’ve been together for a year now. I know that’s not very long in the grand scheme of things, but it’s not bad! If we’re not meant to be together in the romantic sense, I don’t think I can have anything to do with him. It’s going to hurt too much to see him with new people. I can’t cope with that. Really? Who else are you talking to?!
I really hope that he is the one for you then and that everything works out between the two of you. And I’m not talking to anyone else right now. I was just saying that you seem like a really awesome person.
Oh yeah, its kind of hard to tell with everything being typed instead of said. And I haven’t been on for a few months, but I got on this site for a little over a year now.
That sucks. You want to tell me why? You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I’m not really sure why I’m back. I met my boyfriend on this site (sounds dodgy I know!!) so we’ve been working through shit together. He doesn’t share very much and I overshare. I think he got fed up of me constantly telling him shit, so to try and work it out with him, I am laying off. Now I have to vent when I get down, so I came back to my favourite website. Now I’m here, I can’t leave. I get kind of addicted to it. I like to hear about other people’s issues for a while.
If you ever need someone to vent to, I’m on this site alot.
As for the killing myself thing, basically, my life is going nowhere and I can’t even get a job at a fast food place because of how bad the economy is. The one plan I had didn’t fall through. I get panic attacks that a shrink said where the worst that he had ever heard of. And as for my past, I don’t know who my dad is and my mom’s husband liked beating up kids that werent his. So I think I’ve had a pretty crappy life so far.
Thanks, that means a lot. Jesus, that is bad. How old are you? I know how the agressive boyfriend/husband this is. My mum threw me out last week because she chose this guy over me.
I have to be careful saying this. Hannah I feel so bad for you. I mean I wish no one ever had to go through anything traumatic in their lives but rape is a big thing for me. Chris (my dad) would beat my mom (she is still with him) and I do not know why but I just hate the thought of someone being forced to do something a special as sex against their will. And that young? So do not get upset when I say I am so sorry for what happened to you. I see you have been venting a bit, I needed to earlier and people on here helped me a lot. I would love to return the favor. If you need to chat or talk just let me know.
Thanks. It means a lot to know that there are nice people on here who I can talk to. I’m not upset about it anymore, don’t worry. I’m sorry about your parents – that does not sound good.
Do not be. I use to feel sorry for my mother, I told her he was cheating, she caught him, she stayed, I am not sorry. It did affect me and how I am in relationships unfortunately. But I really like this site… I just wish we lived in a world where it was not needed.
Having to deal with that would have affected anybody. I couldn’t agree with you more on the last sentence. I’m not suicidal anymore. I might be if my boyfriend leaves me, but I’m feeling pretty good right now actually. I just read your post and I’m sorry about your girlfriend. I have to sleep now because it’s 1am and I have to be up at 7, but I should be back tomorrow night if you wanted to talk then. Thanks for all the support.
This is posted twice, copy and pasted it here also.
I was beaten very cruely and ended up in a hospital with a fractured skull 2 broken ribs, which took months to recover from.
The physical part wasn’t the worst part, I was 16 when this happened. The police and family wanted to know who did this, I lied and said I slipped and fell. No one believed me of course the injuries spoke for themselves.
I did nothing to this person to have this happen.
I often wondered what was the difference between “Rape†and my assault (other than the sexual part),………… the simularities are closer than people want to associate because if your a Man, your just supposed to accept an ass whipping just because your a man.
I was violated, my body was violated, my sense of self security was violated, my future was violated, my humanity was violated, my view of others was violated. My life has been one of fear of other men that may have harmful desires towards me, my trusts were vilolated. My self dignity was stripped from me.
The legal definition of “Rape†is force or unwanted penetrating intercourse†(roughly).
Other than the non sexual penetration, ………. I was “Raped†of all the same things a woman is raped of.
Just had to vent this, I’ve been carrying it over 30 years.
I sure I’ll get all kinds of hate filled response that the 2 aren’t the same, they are except for the sex part.
My life was ruined by this person. Some people may say stop being a *****/whimp.
I say what happenned to me happens to men and or boys everyday all over the world, and it is just as horrendous as what happens to a woman.
Untill the day arrives that humanity/civilization equates all violence from one human to another as the same crime, there will wounded men with no one to turn to, and no special interests (women) that seek to heal these injured people.
When one person beats, dominates another for any reason its equally as wrong.
Women and actual rape is unacceptable, yet the simularities are undeniable with men beating men.
If you want to die, relocate to an Asian neighborhhod with lots of Asian drivers. I dodge death every single day. Stereotypes are bad, yes, but they originate from a kernel of truth. Everytime I almost get run over, I check to see who’s driving. Guess who I see in the driver’s set?
37 comments
I haven’t been, but if you want someone to talk to, I’m here.
Only 2 people know about this. I got my first boyfriend this year and I had to tell him because it was relevant. I also told my mum a few months back. But that is all. I think I need help. I have had councelling for my many issues in the past, but this is one thing I am not ready to talk face-to-face with someone about. So I thought I would try on here.
At least you’re trying to talk to someone about it, that takes more strength than most people have. And if you don’t mind me asking, did you know the person that did it?
It happened when I was 12. I was out with my friends and I stupidly decided to go home early because it was starting to get dark. I was walking through this short park area by my house, when these two guys came up to me. I won’t go into what they did, but the one guy stood and videotaped the whole thing. Then they left. The whole thing took like 15 minutes, but it felt like hours. It’s something I didn’t deal with well at the time, likemost things in my life. I’m now 18 and I still have nighmare about it. I wake up in the night screaming and thinking it’s happening again. I can’t handle being around men very well. I met my boyfriend on here and I think I’m only comfortable with him because he’s as fucked up as I am and because we talked for ages before we met.
Well just so you know, I’m a guy. I understand the nightmare part perfectly though. I get nightmares from some of the things that screwed me up, I sometimes wake up screaming or crying. But thats only when I’m able to fall asleep.
Did you or your mom ever tell the police?
No, I don’t want to go down that route. It was 6 years ago today that it happened, so I really doubt that nothing will come of it now. I still remember every single second of it, but I never really saw them. I should have gone to the police at the time, although one of the guys told me he had a knife and would come back if I told anybody. I’m sure they all say that, but I didn’t want to risk it at the time.
It’s perfectly understandable, I just thought I’d ask. A friend of mine was molested by her dad and she said that it helped a little when he was arrested. How do you feel around guys, are you just anxious, or do you panic, can you still breath when youre around guys?
It depends on the guy. How they act, what they say, if they’re big (I’m only 5’2 so really tall guys scare me), etc. I’m completely comfortable around my boyfriend. My mum has a new boyfriend. They’ve been going out for about a year now. I never really got on with him – last christmas was an extremely low point for me and that’s when we met him. There was a lot of tension but one niht he and my mum got drunk and he attacked me. He was right in my face yelling at me. I’d only known him a few months, so that was hard. I couldn’t breathe then and I completely freaked. Normally I’m just really anxious and I panic occasionally.
I’m not sure if it will help you at all, but for me describing how or what I feel helps a little bit. Also, I don’t know if you’ve tried writing at all, but it makes me feel separate from what happened, if you havent tried it, I think you should at least give it a shot. What things do you normally do for fun?
I read, swim, listen to music, spend time wth my pets, etc. The usual things. You mean when it happened or my feelings now? When it happened, I didn’t really think of much. One of the first things they told me was thet they had a knife and they would useit if I made a fuss. So I spent the rest of the time thinking about stupid stuff like what I was having for tea and what my friends were doing. It was only a few hours later that it really hit me.
What kind of pets do you have? And whichever you want to talk about, I think that they both could help.
At the minute I only have a cat a rabbit and 2 ferrets. At the beginning of the year I had like 10 pets, but they died over the summer because they caught a virus and it spread. There’s also another cat and a dog at my mum’s place, but I pretty much got thrown out of there last week, so I don’t see them anymore. I told you how I felt at the time. Now I just feel angry, although I have made a huge amount of progress with it this year. I never did anything with these feelings until I told my boyfriend in February. He’s helped me a lot.
Just try to concentrate on the fact that youre making progress. It may sound cheesy, but hope really can help you through the hardest times in life. I live in California, what state/country do you live in?
I’m in the uk. You’re so lucky to live in cali. My boyfriend’s business partner lives over there and it sounds amazing. Be nice to have some of the weather!! I totally agree with you on the hope thing. When you lose hope you may as well just end it all.
Its funny, I can’t wait to leave California, I think I might go over to Ireland. The grass is always greener I guess. I lost hope a few weeks ago and tried to end it all. It obviously didnt work out like I planned. So I definately agree with you on that. How are you eeling right now?
I tried to kill myself 3 times at the end of last year/beginning of this year, so I know how that feels. At the minute I’m not sure how I feel to be honest. There’s too much going on. I definately feel better than I did at this point last year, so I’m hopeful and I hold on to that. I’m having some relationship issues at the minute, which is really stressing me out. Losing my boyfriend would absolutely send me backwards. He’s my best friend, so I have to wait and see how that one works out!! How about you?
If he’s your best friend then you should try to remain friends whether he’s the one or not. There are some great friendships that I lost because of relationships and other stupid reasons. And right now, I’m feeling pretty good, I’m just watching TV and talking to a complete stranger that seems like a really awesome person.
I’m really hoping it doesn’t come to that. We’ve been together for a year now. I know that’s not very long in the grand scheme of things, but it’s not bad! If we’re not meant to be together in the romantic sense, I don’t think I can have anything to do with him. It’s going to hurt too much to see him with new people. I can’t cope with that. Really? Who else are you talking to?!
I really hope that he is the one for you then and that everything works out between the two of you. And I’m not talking to anyone else right now. I was just saying that you seem like a really awesome person.
Thanks! I was joking about the talking thing, by the way! How long have you been on this site?
Oh yeah, its kind of hard to tell with everything being typed instead of said. And I haven’t been on for a few months, but I got on this site for a little over a year now.
same as me then! I’ve been off for a few months too. Home come you’re back?
I meant how come. My computer is being a ***** lately.
I tried to kill myself again, you?
That sucks. You want to tell me why? You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I’m not really sure why I’m back. I met my boyfriend on this site (sounds dodgy I know!!) so we’ve been working through shit together. He doesn’t share very much and I overshare. I think he got fed up of me constantly telling him shit, so to try and work it out with him, I am laying off. Now I have to vent when I get down, so I came back to my favourite website. Now I’m here, I can’t leave. I get kind of addicted to it. I like to hear about other people’s issues for a while.
If you ever need someone to vent to, I’m on this site alot.
As for the killing myself thing, basically, my life is going nowhere and I can’t even get a job at a fast food place because of how bad the economy is. The one plan I had didn’t fall through. I get panic attacks that a shrink said where the worst that he had ever heard of. And as for my past, I don’t know who my dad is and my mom’s husband liked beating up kids that werent his. So I think I’ve had a pretty crappy life so far.
Thanks, that means a lot. Jesus, that is bad. How old are you? I know how the agressive boyfriend/husband this is. My mum threw me out last week because she chose this guy over me.
I’m sorry to hear that, and I’m eighteen.
I’m not sure it compares to what you went through. I’m 18 too. I can relate to the job situation too – I can’t get one either. Do you go to college?
I have to be careful saying this. Hannah I feel so bad for you. I mean I wish no one ever had to go through anything traumatic in their lives but rape is a big thing for me. Chris (my dad) would beat my mom (she is still with him) and I do not know why but I just hate the thought of someone being forced to do something a special as sex against their will. And that young? So do not get upset when I say I am so sorry for what happened to you. I see you have been venting a bit, I needed to earlier and people on here helped me a lot. I would love to return the favor. If you need to chat or talk just let me know.
Thanks. It means a lot to know that there are nice people on here who I can talk to. I’m not upset about it anymore, don’t worry. I’m sorry about your parents – that does not sound good.
Do not be. I use to feel sorry for my mother, I told her he was cheating, she caught him, she stayed, I am not sorry. It did affect me and how I am in relationships unfortunately. But I really like this site… I just wish we lived in a world where it was not needed.
Having to deal with that would have affected anybody. I couldn’t agree with you more on the last sentence. I’m not suicidal anymore. I might be if my boyfriend leaves me, but I’m feeling pretty good right now actually. I just read your post and I’m sorry about your girlfriend. I have to sleep now because it’s 1am and I have to be up at 7, but I should be back tomorrow night if you wanted to talk then. Thanks for all the support.
No I wasn’t “Raped”, when I was seven years old I was sexually molested by a friend of my brothers, he was probably 14 or 15.
I was cared of this guy for years, ……….. he died of a heart attack when I was around 28 years old.
Theres alot to the story, yet it only happened once. No big deal in my life, I realized early it wasn’t my fault, I did nothing wrong.
Sorry, to leave you hanging, I had to get off the computer for a while.
This is posted twice, copy and pasted it here also.
I was beaten very cruely and ended up in a hospital with a fractured skull 2 broken ribs, which took months to recover from.
The physical part wasn’t the worst part, I was 16 when this happened. The police and family wanted to know who did this, I lied and said I slipped and fell. No one believed me of course the injuries spoke for themselves.
I did nothing to this person to have this happen.
I often wondered what was the difference between “Rape†and my assault (other than the sexual part),………… the simularities are closer than people want to associate because if your a Man, your just supposed to accept an ass whipping just because your a man.
I was violated, my body was violated, my sense of self security was violated, my future was violated, my humanity was violated, my view of others was violated. My life has been one of fear of other men that may have harmful desires towards me, my trusts were vilolated. My self dignity was stripped from me.
The legal definition of “Rape†is force or unwanted penetrating intercourse†(roughly).
Other than the non sexual penetration, ………. I was “Raped†of all the same things a woman is raped of.
Just had to vent this, I’ve been carrying it over 30 years.
I sure I’ll get all kinds of hate filled response that the 2 aren’t the same, they are except for the sex part.
My life was ruined by this person. Some people may say stop being a *****/whimp.
I say what happenned to me happens to men and or boys everyday all over the world, and it is just as horrendous as what happens to a woman.
Untill the day arrives that humanity/civilization equates all violence from one human to another as the same crime, there will wounded men with no one to turn to, and no special interests (women) that seek to heal these injured people.
When one person beats, dominates another for any reason its equally as wrong.
Women and actual rape is unacceptable, yet the simularities are undeniable with men beating men.
If you want to die, relocate to an Asian neighborhhod with lots of Asian drivers. I dodge death every single day. Stereotypes are bad, yes, but they originate from a kernel of truth. Everytime I almost get run over, I check to see who’s driving. Guess who I see in the driver’s set?