blehhh

well for so long ive been wanting to just die and i thought suicide was the only solution to ending all my pain and misery. ive also started cutting again. but no matter how deep or how much i cut the pain never fades away i now know suicide/cutting isnt the answer to being “happy” again its something i need to work on in the inside i guess? i really dont know. anyways everyones telling me i need to be put on medication but i dont wanna have people saying more shit about me than they already  do idk i feel like if the word got out that i started taking meds for depression people would be like oh shes this shes that i just dont need any of that in my life atm its already bad enough…. :/