I’m getting closer to the day I have choosen. I didn’t go to my son’s hockey practice because I’m trying to stop seeing people. I just wanna be alone. I gave my life to a girl for almost 20 years and she walked out. Now I gave her plenty of reasons too but at the same time there were issues right from the start. I never really had a wife. I had a roommate. She was more interested in sleeping than spending time with me. She was more interested in reading that spending time with me. And she was most Definitely more interested in Facebook than me….she even told me that. So here I am just waiting for the divorce to be finalized after almost 20 years of waiting for her to be a wife. I have nothing now. She took all my hope, my dreams, my desire, my passion, she took everything from me. I have been depressed, alone, for years but have never felt this bad ever.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
39 comments
Hey, I’ve been through 2 divorces they suck, yet there is a light at the end of the tunnel, yes it might be a frieght train in the tunnel, but I can say you can come out of this and find a new life.
Your not alone, there are many thousands around the world feeling exactly what your feeling right now.
I know…you told me that….lol. I’m just really really stuck right now. I have tired to kill myself being with someone….this is the first time I wanna die for being without someone. I know I’m not alone….and my family sort of tries to help. But I have created isolation for myself so it’s hard to let people in. I guess that’s why I’m here.
But I’ve actuallly been look at this site for a long time. I’m lonely and don’t know how to get unlonely
why in the world did you get married again caucajun??? lol
I never realized how much I loved my wife till she was gone. there is a whole lot of other stuff in play in that whole thing but this just sucks
Oh about the drunk thing, my fathers unheeded words during my first divorce about watching the bottle during that time was a big mistake on my part.
I lost myself in bar rooms and night clubs for 5 years, drugs and alcohol, yeah I had so much fun It almost killed me, yet it wouldn’t.
Thats the thing about becoming dependent on alcohol, I could only wish for the end, yet it never came. The pain of drinking was worse than death itself. Loneliness like few ever understand. At the bottle of everybottle was a road map to the dope mans house.
I have been sober on and off since 1992. Currently sober over a year.
I was good for awhile. The only time I have ambition is when I’m drinking now. I’m not sure what ambition I actually have but it’s there. When I’m drunk I really really don’t care…or maybe I do…I don’t know. I’m just tired, man….you know what I mean.
WOW-is all ai can say, MWTELE…
My husband-who refused to work for three years-just let me leave in May…on our 9th anniv. Hoped it would light a fire under him….not sure, he calls me everyday and begs me to get back, but he never said he realized how much he loves me, just what I can do if I land that job, add him to my insurance, make things easier for us…
I WOULD never get married again to someone who thinks it is MY DUTY as the woman to provide best job, best salary, best insurance, make all the plans and do everything,,
Feel for you. Separation is HARD. I waffle bt going back w. him bc being single seems so difficult.
That’s messed up. The guy for sure should be working. I wish my wife didn’t have to but she needed too. She work part time towards the end of our life together. She had opportunities to get better jobs but didn’t want to. My story is a long story and I haven’t told all of it. I miss her more and more every day and it just get harder the longer she’s gone. That is wrong that your husband thought you would be the bread winner. He needs to man up and realize.
Why did I get married again ??? LOL ! Because I was an idiot, ;lol.
I got married again to a woman in AA, I should have known better. I was still a very sick person, even with over 4 years sobriety at the time. I still miss this woman and its been 13 years. If she were to walk in a meeting that I am in, I would have to leave because I would be a basket case, ……….. I’m still in love with her, or I still remember the love as I saw it. The knowlege that I am 100% responsible for the marriage ending is just to much for me to bare.
I have had lovers since, and even a daughter since the marriage ended, I still think she is the only woman that I ever loved at that level.
Things happen for a reason, I don’t know what thoose resaons are. I think of her 10 or 15 times a year, so still not completely healed all these years later.
GREAT…. NICE TO HEAR….lol. I figure the same thing for me. I’ll never get over her. It’s because we could have been something if she would have tried. But she didn’t. I’ve had chances with other since she left but I just can’t get her, us, out of my mind.
Ya he DID need to man up…its been that way since FOREVER…we went thru hell trying to get PG, and I say now thank goodness I didn’t have the I’d be working three jobs, this is his second marriage-he did same thing ti exwife, she was an engineer he worked in a bookstore AND he has an MBA and a JD, more ed than I have (I have JD-that’s a law school) I was very naive and didn’t reazlize back then, I settled. I knew I did not really love him, we don’t have great chemistry and never did…sigh
I met this guy at work who I have fallen headover for, and its nit going well. He has been playing me or I don’t know he’s pushy-pully man, nothings happened, I would divorce K first, but its really sapped my self esteem..he’s Asian and I don’t know if its that, but now I feel like running back to the familiar. Sorry about your wife. NOBODY I know is happy. So you worked? Well, a real man : )
Hey Cauajan…you don’t belong here….you are wayyyyyyy to positive….lol. Thank you. I really do appreciate it.
You know what Mitsuko…It truely sucks being alone. But I really think you might need that for a bit. Find someone that takes you out and treats you nice. And for God sake find someone that has a job. Familiar is safe and that’s all i know. But somehow, someway, we need to get rid of the familiar. Ask Cauajan, I’m sure he knows how to fix that
Love the title of the post btw-sounds like a Sublime song, “Drunk is,,,its what I got I said remember that.”
Hey you only want her bc she left, she is looking better to you….try to think of it as a new beginning..
@Caucajun-sucks to carry a torch.
We can’t help who we love, LOL, I wish we did.
I too am pretty heartbroken, and not over my husband, LOL OH have no fair, Peeps, I can have HIM back if I want him, yikes!
NO….NO….NO….it’s a beginning that never began. I have tried to be with a couple other people but it just wasn’t right. I believe in family and being a family and I never got that. Never had that as a kid either. So I really don’t wanna let this get away. But it’s slipping further and further away every day.
Hey Mitsuk….tell my wife that she can have me back too. Women have ALL the power.
Is she in the same state? City? He is in the next state living with MOMMY…
Yeah….just a couple miles down the road living with MOMMY….lol
I wish I could get the fuck out of this town….I’ve lived with in a mile of where I was born and raised for 38 years. I have a 12 year old son that I have to keep in mind though. Life would be easier if I could just leave. I guess that’s why I’m here.
LOL, all the power???? Tell my Asian guy who I am dying for, the way I never did my husband, he tortures me, I say hi, he turns his back on he, I see him in the elevator, he doesn’t speak, turns away, I say hi he is rude and abrupt, I diappear for a week, and dont walk by him, don’t peak out at him when he passes my office, he chats me up, he comes looking for me with phony reports WTF is that power? He’s driving em NUTS I thought he was shy liek I am, now I think he is using me as an ego stroke YOU MWTELE hold all the power : (
no not at all…i’m sorry. but i’m not following that comment at all. been drinking alot of whiskey tonight. sounds like to me he is just ignoring you.
I am where I am because I don’t know how, am too afraid to ask someone out. I don’t value myself very much so I can’t see myself putting myself on someone else. If someone, a women, were to ask me out I would say yes. That’s where I say all the power comes from
You think he is ignoring me? WTF does nt he just leave me alone, for good and all, he’s driven me insane. Bc I know damn well, he knows I have a crush on him, and he came to my office when I started to ignore him, and interjected a convo last week with a collegue I was having, no reason, sigh..
OH they should hook up!
That’s ok, I cannot drink, too many migraines, xanax at work though…
I think you have the kid-hands are tied, Dude, can’t you relocate? Do you have custody?
50/50
Well, I feel same only reversed.
I feel like every time i meet a guy that really does it for me like 3x in my LIFE, he is a player or I’m second best, I think its hard to face rejection, I was thinking going thru this thing w/ my guy at work, that men have all the power, isin’t it funny?
DON”T ask the ex out again. Get out and make some friends. Listen to me?? I’m a mess too.
no…women have all the power….for real… I’m just not over my soon to be ex. and I really don’t see that ever happening. I wanted alot and got nothing. so how am I to move on?
Oh so you still have to see her…Yikes. Not conducive to getting over one.
Is she dating again?
Yeah… she wants to be one of my bestfriends…..there is a lot more behind that though. and she has no idea of how i”m going to mess up what she has going on. it’s a long story
I know, carrying a torch is tough…I WISH I loved mine, it would make it easier to stay.
I wanted a lot too, and got nothing. And I had it all, when I was 19 I could not walk down the street, I am a dead ringer for Vivien leigh, I still look good at my age, high education, smart, and I feel LIKE SHIT w. no self esteem. None. WTF?
i was warned to not marry her…but I did. I just wish it could have been different. but if i’m going to die like i plan too soon….damn sure i’ll get my revenge
NO friends, and no friends w. bennies either, be cordial for the kid, that’s it.
I feel for you, its so hard being separated, I am the one who left and that is hard too, though for other reasons, hard dude…
kick teh B7tch to curb…anyone who knows you are hurting would not want to be friends.
right…but it’s not that easy. she actually has a very good heart. just not cut out to be a wife. so i feel for her. I lived with her for almost 20 years and I think i’m the only one that can deal with it. she’s gonna get hurt again. and i feel bad
she actually doesn’t know what she has gotten herself into. and if i really do kill myself in 2 weeks, she’s going to find out. I wish I could be here to find out what happens. But isn’t that one of the things that hold us back from doing it? Wondering how it will be afterwards?
plus…i haven’t had sex with a partner in over a year…so i’m all set there
Well, well…I din’t mean to say nasty things, I left so I understand maybe she had to..
Now, I would never kill myself for revenge or to get her where its hurt or whatever,
I am starving myself, that is my plan when my job ends in two months, so do I. I hate the partners and the lawyers I work for, they are all the same in every firm on the planet no soul. I am leaving bc I don’t want to get old and ugly, losing my beauty or the prospect of it is terrifying to me, and I feel I am too sensitive for this world. I get hurt too much, I don’t belong in it. I can’t off myself like others, it will kill my patents and my neice, but i’ve kinda lost the will to live.
If your doing it for revenge don’t! What about your little one?
I have not either-hubby grosses me too, much,
You’ll have sex again…I feel sure you will > )
Please don’t do this… My husbands ex wife killed herself 5 years ago. Their kids were 15,16,17. Their lives have been forever changed by her actions. And not in a good way. They are so angry and sad and bitter. Kids that we were so proud of and held so much promise have gone down one self destructive road after another. They feel as though they could have saved her had they known her intentions. I’m sure their mother was trying to kill her own pain but instead she killed what these kids could have been. Think of your children… They don’t deserve to live a life of what ifs. There is nothing we can do or say to bring them back to who they once were. They are mourning the loss of their mother and we are mourning the loss of the kids that used to be. As for getting revenge on your soon to be ex wife…. It doesn’t work. Your children will pay the price, not her.
Sorry for what happened to you.
i was married once.
Caught her cheating twice in the same year and I got it anulled.
Seems she enjoyed the fruits of my labor but had an issue with me working too much. Which had she tried to tell me when I asked her on many occasions I could have easily done. Then she runs off and almost four years later I get a subpoena for a paternity test. Get my check garnished and I barely get to see my own son.
Then I begged for her to let me keep him on his birthday earlier this year. She refused. He died in a car accident on the way to chuck e cheese with oen of her friends.
After she cheated on me twice I just swore off relationships for good. not saying all wone are like that but I fot tired of being betrayed and had no energy to waste on trying to find someone honest from all the dregs.
Some people have no freaking appreciation.