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Extremely Pissed & Heartbroken.

by ASpilledCanvas

I lost my Daddy almost 7 months ago at the end of April.

I miss my Daddy, though he use to be extremely abuse, I use to scream I hate him and we fought all the time, when I was a baby, he was an amazing Daddy, even when I was going teenbitchmode and he was going crazypsychdadmode he still took care of me and loved me for me. Despite all the scares I have and all the dreadful things I have done he loved me. My daddy always encouraged the creative side of me, despite the depression writings and photos, he still encouraged me no matter. Even said I can have body piercings and tattoos, just his rule was no facial and if I gotta tattoo it better be something meaningful and I had to still look real nice when I dressed up and got fancy. Fair enough right? Though I already have 12 piercings, snakebites, septum, tongue, navel, guages with 4 in one ear and 3 in the other. Though this build up after my Hospitalization in Febuary of this year. My Daddy had cried and I was just so heartbroken.

My Daddy had cancer, fought for two years and even though he was so sick he still took care of me, still encouraged me. My dad and I had never gotten closer before. Plus my Mom and I kept constantly fighting so of course it drew my daddy and i together. But honestly, no one works in the house but me, mind you it is me and my young siblings you can not work yet and shouldnt if they could. My Mom is a very controlling woman, honestly, she is the main reason why I try to kill myself. You think I would leave since I’m 19. Not the point.

She won’t let me get my tattoo for my Daddy, the tat I designed just for him. The one I want more than any other one I want, but my mom won’t let me have one (mind you i already have two she does not know of for over a year now) I just want a dedication to my Daddy. MY DAD! Just because she HATES piercings and body art in general, she makes me take out my gauges and flip up my septum ring because i refuse to take it out. She won’t let me get my Daddy’s tattoo… because “i’m using my dad as an excuse.” Really now? That man was like, when I think of my Dad, I think of my first love kinda thing. No incest. Just the way he treated us. He loved me very deeply, took care of me when he should of been resting himself. Spoiled me still on his deathbed and helped me. Loved my scares and only wanted me to stop hurting myself. Never wanting to see me cry. Only encouraging me, and telling me to avoid my Mom and to not worry about her.

That man, my Daddy, means the world to me, and I only want this one thing for him. This one thing… that will be with me forevr besides our memories and the photos I took away from my Mom. I want these pictures for myself, these memories for me, and this beautiful work of art to dedicate to my father. But she even denies me this? I’m furious and can not stop crying….

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3 comments

caucajun32 11/8/2011 - 12:14 am

You can always get the Tatoo at a later time.

I know your hurting and miss your dad, it’s only been 7 months.

Give your self a break, your in a tuff place.

I miss my father, he’s been gone since June of 08.

not here 11/8/2011 - 12:57 am

Your dad sounds like a special person, and it’s great you have those wonderful memories and feelings for him. If you don’t want to go against your mom’s will, just take solace in the fact that you will have it eventually. Once you move out, even if it’s a few years down the road, you’ll be able to be 100% in control of your own life and body. It’ll give you something to look forward to as well.
Personally I think it’s a great idea and an awesome way to always remember him. Good luck with everything, and try to stay strong, for your dad if nothing else.

LegitApplePie 11/11/2011 - 3:59 pm

Your Dad sounds like he was an amazing man. I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so hard to lose someone you’re close to and be left with the parent you hate. Stay strong, Hun. I can’t promise you it will get better, so I won’t. I can only hope that you find peace. When you get older and move out, you won’t ever have to see your mom again. Remember that.

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