If he could have come forward and seen how gutting this has been for the rest of us maybe he wouldn’t have. If I could have been there and just kept him talking for 5 minutes maybe he wouldn’t have. If, if, if, maybe, maybe, maybe.
He made a choice that is fucking me up. FUCKING me up.
So it’s over for him and those left behind will live with it. I miss my little brother. Whoever got this site going – thanks. There’s nowhere else to go where I can scream.
2 comments
You are not alone. I was Fuuuucked too. We all were, whole family, mom dad, aunts uncles, cousins, friends, neighbors, etc. The Pain was real, and intense. The questions were many,and remain unanswered. But everything subsides, the pain does go away. There are so many places that can provide help, talk things out. If you are comfortable, start with immediate family, they are hurting too. Help them, they may be hurting even more than they show. Or if that is not possible go to a further removed relative or friend. Total strangers like me are ok, but we cannot add specifics or context. Perhaps you prefer to stay generic, that is ok. My point is… I am sorry, I understand, we were not the first, and we will not be the last…. but there are many places for help. Go ahead and scream, and someone will hear you.
Also…Do not blame yourself….It was a bad decision, not well thoght out. It is impossble to second guess these things. IF, MAybe…. Everyone could feel the same way, but no one can really accept the blame.
You are not alone. I was Fuuuucked too. We all were, whole family, mom dad, aunts uncles, cousins, friends, neighbors, etc. The Pain was real, and intense. The questions were many,and remain unanswered. But everything subsides, the pain does go away. There are so many places that can provide help, talk things out. If you are comfortable, start with immediate family, they are hurting too. Help them, they may be hurting even more than they show. Or if that is not possible go to a further removed relative or friend. Total strangers like me are ok, but we cannot add specifics or context. Perhaps you prefer to stay generic, that is ok. My point is… I am sorry, I understand, we were not the first, and we will not be the last…. but there are many places for help. Go ahead and scream, and someone will hear you.
Also…Do not blame yourself….It was a bad decision, not well thoght out. It is impossble to second guess these things. IF, MAybe…. Everyone could feel the same way, but no one can really accept the blame.