He left and took my life with him

My fiance left me a month ago after a 10 year relationship. Now everything wasn’t wine and roses for us, but there wasn’t anything that couldn’t have been worked on or worked out, at least in my opinion. Obviously he didn’t feel the same or he never would have left. I always thought if nothing else though, we were at least best friends…WRONG AGAIN!
We had been having some problems over his ongoing porn addiction, which always leaned towards teen porn. He knew it hurt me, yet he continued to go behind my back and look at it. I’m no prude and had been known to watch it with the man in my life to spice things up. I know a lot of teen porn sites are also of legal age women who just look young or are made up to look young. However I have daughters that age and although he knew better than to EVER make any advances towards my girls, it made me uncomfortable as a parent because I couldn’t help but wonder if he ever thought of my daughters in that way?
He always made excuses why he looked at it, the last one was because,”he had no imagination”, which really hurt. It got to the point that it took my place in our relationship. It wasn’t because I was withholding sex either. He just was no longer interested in me and couldn’t get it up without the porn and his little bottle of blue pills. The last blow up we had, he said he was going to get counseling and I was ecstatic. Since we split, his addiction has started heading towards pedophilia and he is looking a YOUNG teen porn now, really sad and sick.
He was sent out of town on a job assignment, which I had gotten a bad feeling about, so much that I begged him not to go. He ignored me, went anyway, came back a week later, said, “he was tired of the fight”, whatever in the hell that meant? I did everything but get on my knees and beg him to stay. I told him anything worth having is worth fighting for. He was so calm and detached it was surreal, while I was crying almost hysterically at times. I think if I would have dropped dead in front of him, he would have stepped over my body to keep gathering up his things. He packed his stuff, loaded our pickup, drove away, and never looked back, while I fell to pieces in the front yard. Between me and my daughters we had supported our household and paid this guys bills when he was down on his luck and unemployed. This job assignment he got sent on was a promotion of sorts and he was making good money finally. Well I hit a rough patch and have been unemployed for about 6 months and he had been paying some of the bills. The day he left was payday and he had $1200 in his account. I had no money, a bunch of unpaid bills, no job and he never offered me one cent! I’m fixing to lose the house I bought when my daughters Dad was killed on the job. We have lived here almost 20 years. I’m also going to lose my car, while he continues to drive the pickup I cosigned for. He doesn’t care about anything that has to do with me. It’s been a month and not a word, not even on my birthday, 2 weeks ago. I cried the entire day.
I know this is long but I wanted to give some insight as to why I have come to the point in my life where I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m too old to start over, too tired to try, and to hurt to risk love again.
I will continue this and my plan for ending my life later. I’m not a drinker, but I figure I deserve a pint for my heartache…To be continued