6 months ago I came to terms that my boyfriend of 9 years was verbally abusive and didn’t really care about my feelings. In july I finally got the courage to confront my mother about SSI money she was getting in my name but lied to me about. Me and my family were kicked out on the streets for a week and the day after we were kicked out I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd child. In Augest, my brother and his wife ( both I was close to) got in a fight with me and instead of working it out they told a awful lie to my entire family. They moved out and I then learned they gave us bedbugs and tore up the basement they lived in. My boyfriend started working more and refused to help me renovate the mess they left on his days off. The month of september I was fighting bedbugs, renovating the basement. for a week our lights were shut off and it was around that time I started noticing my boyfriends behavor changes and know I am almost 95% sure he is having an affair with a coworker from olive garden.
I am so sick of being unhappy… I struggled with depression how it was and now its just unbearable. I cant stop obsessing over his actions and take care of myself and kids. Im thinking of using the beams in my room ( the basement) to hang myself. Everyone I know betrays me or forgets my feelings. I have no future because I was taken out of school at 6th grade. I know myself enough to say I wont ever get my education. Everyone thinks I am ignorant anyways. My daughter thinks my mother is her mother because my Mom makes sure my daughter knows I have no authority. My boyfriend dont respect me and honestly I think he hopes the worse for me anyways. Suffocation was my worst idea of death but it seems fool proof.
The steps.
1. Wait a day my boyfriend works.
2. let my daughter off to school.
3. Give my 1 yr old a nap upstairs were my mother can find him safe and sound.
4. Take a lot of sleeping pills.
5 Hang myself around 12ish in the basement.
5 comments
If you live in the States, what ever sleeping pills you are concidering probably wont work.
Meds like Ambien, Valium, Xanax, etc. will not produce death, you coulc take a boat load and you will not die. These are basically the only types of meds offered in the US. They stopped prescribing Barbituates here along time ago.
I just want to be loopy when I strangle I know I wont be killed from pills alone. I’m hoping from lack of oxygen and the pills will make me fall to sleep.
I’ve tried reaching out for help no body cares and I know that psychologist get paid to pretend to listen and care. This pain isn’t fair.
Please don’t do it. I care, okay? And no, psychologists are not paid to pretend. Maybe some of them do, but there are a lot of them who actually do care. I have one. I will be one. Please, have faith in yourself. Don’t do this to your kids. You absolutely cannot lower yourself down to your boyfriend’s expectations, you deserve so much better. PLEASE do not do this to your kids, it will destroy them. My mom gave up and now I suffer from depression because all the hell she caused me in my childhood. I know that the pain is unbearable, I know the agony makes you feel hopeless and lost, but I promise you, that there is hope. Have faith in yourself. Do not bring this agony upon the people you love in your life, I promise you that the pain you feel now is nothing compared to what the people who love you feel. Your children most of all. You will destroy them if you let go. Do not give up. Get help. Please. I’m here if you ever need help. I can’t promise to take the pain away, but I will do whatever I can to help you. Please stay strong, beautiful.
The pain isn’t fair, and it is your choice to live or die. However, there are psychologists out there who do care-and not just because they are payed to care. I’m in the mental health field, and I care deeply for my clients. I know there are others who feel the same.