I’m 22 years old. I work in television, I work very long hours and I find my job very stressful. In January of this year on my birthday I got a phone call informing me that my two best friends were in a car crash. They both died. I have no family to speak of and no real friends that will listen. I’ve been struggling for a long time with this.
I’ve always been a shy person. I find it very difficult to share my feelings with other people. This hits me extra hard since a little over four years ago the only girlfriend I’ve ever had died in a car crash with a drunk driver. I have tried to reach out to someone who I thought would care, who I thought might try to help me. The reaction I got was completely the opposite. This makes me feel so much worse. There isn’t a single person in this world I can talk to. I feel so alone and so hopeless all the time. I try my best to hide it but as time goes on I just feel worse and worse. I do have a group of friends but there is no one I can really talk to. I’ve always been that one that never gets invited places. No one ever really wants to hang out with me. I know that its a stupid thing to do but I’ve found myself entertaining the thought of killing myself. I’ve been feeling this way for the better part of the year. I just need it to stop. I just need a friend or I feel I really can’t last much longer…
5 comments
You sound a lot like a friend of mine who did kill himself. No one died in his life, but his dad was abusive, his parents got divorced, his brother was addicted to drugs and he went through a family rehab process that he hated unimaginably. All of this happened before he was 13 as well. He was odd, and I can admit we didn’t invite him to hang out as often. But now that he’s gone you better believe we wish we did. Not just so that he’d still be here, but because we realize now how awesome he was. How much better our lives would have been with him more involved in them. I don’t really know what this does for your situation, but I’m telling that the people in your life love you more than you could ever imagine. Just try talking to them. It’s the least you can do, and it’s better than killing yourself.
I had a bit of a shitty childhood too. My parents weren’t really abusive aside from the occasional phone book or frying pan being thrown at me by my mum. The worst thing about my childhood was that I was a mistake and I was pretty much made to know that every day. If I had to venture a guess I would say this is what led to me bottling everything in. If I was ever upset as a child I was always just told to shut the F up and then I’d have to doge a few kitchen appliances.
I really do want to believe that. I’ve even explained to one of them what I’ve been going through and they just don’t care. It was really hard for me to do. All I was really looking for was a shoulder really. I pretty much got a big F U instead. There just isn’t anyone I can talk to. It makes me feel so empty and alone. It’s so hard having no one who cares about you. Every day I spend alone. I’m always miserable. I’m getting to the point where I struggle not to cry while I’m at work. Over time I just keep feeling worse. I so badly want this to end, one way or another
If you just want someone to talk to, I have a lot of free time right now.
If you need a shoulder.
I’ve never really been one to reach out neither. I’ve never really had anyone to reach to until now, which kind of made me a stone hearted person. I haven’t cried from emotion since I was like 13. It sucks feeling that kind of loneliness, I didn’t like it when back when. I’m willing to talk if you want.