I am living with rape PTSD

  November 9th, 2011 by Auna

I couldn’t sleep so i took sleeping pills. They didn’t really sleep it was more like being paralyzed. I could feel hear but couldn’t stop him from having sex with me like that. I confronted him and he denied it. We fought and he said it would never happen again. I had no where to go. I was trapped. He went where I went. My first break  at help was a cop who said a husband can’t rape his wife. 5 yrs later some one stepped in. I had a child with him.

They lied said i was a druggie whore and other stuff and my lawyer did nothing the judge didn’t even ask for proof. now I have a good marriage a wonderful step daughter and another son. When i got to see my oldest child I got phone calls and emails that if i ever wanted to keep  my other two I’d never see him again. She won in court why couldn’t she make me lose my other kids too. The email was if i tried for kaile no one would ever see any of them again. It was tracked to my uncles pc  where my ex had been but there was no proof because they said anyone could have sent it. The account was made and never used again. There was a n accident that took my memories,a blessing. He found me stalked me on face book got my phone number from friends and now It’s triggered the memories of all the things he did.  Now he wants me to sign over rights to my son. It was the only way I had to tell him I was still here.I still cared. I will be dead before I sign my rights over. They were right fight for one lose them all. If I’m dead he loses and my kids lose their brother,if I sign he will always think I never loved him. I’m too poor for a lawyer and my husband makes to much for legal aid. My ex has a naval lawyer. Every time I try to fight they leave me destroyed inside and reputaion wise and it is effecting my family.

Why can’t i just disappear, I really need help.  My shrink is at a loss to help with the depression because it’s event caused. All drugs will do is give the ex  another proof of drug use.  I promised my hubby i wouldn’t kill myself where the kids could find me. He doesn’t want me to but he doesn’t know how to help either.   I wake up every morning trying   to live with this. Nothing has went in my favor except my hubby and the kids here at home.

 

 

 

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