I don’t know if I am truly suicidal.

  November 7th, 2011 by livs

I just know that I can’t keep living like this.

I’m skipping school today because I didn’t do my homework and I have assessments today I’m not ready for.

It sounds petty, and it is. I feel unnervingly calm these days; friends are worrying about college apps and tests, and I just sit there, feeling nothing. I’ve always been a huge procrastinator, but this year the results have finally shown it: my grades have slipped, I’m always sleeping late, I never have any energy in class, I hate all my subjects, I’m constantly binge-eating. And I know I should care (I do, to some extent), but I can’t seem to care enough to work harder or change myself.

Through it all, I’m thinking: what if all this is just laziness? What if nothing is wrong with me and I just need to pull myself together? What if all this is just five years of not being able to properly grow up?

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