i hate my life. i’m only 13.

  November 10th, 2011 by ella

I’ve known things that no 13 year old should now. In the fourth grade, i kept cutting myself. i didn’t know why i did it at the time but i know i did it because it felt GOOD. fifth grade year, i kept at it, and understood why. i knew about weed the same year. how to roll a blunt, make a bong. everything. When i went to middle school, i had no friends. my bestfriend left me for the girl i hated. i acted fake to get into the ‘group’ it worked. i was called a ‘popular’ i got into drinking partys. 7th grade: had some REAL friends. acted myself. took pills. obssessdover my weight. when im only 90 pounds. hated all my classes. one filipino in a school of mexicans/black. (norasism) but they were being extremely rascist towards me. my eyes. hair. body. culture. i couldnt take it. everyone would say something about me. i started burning myself with the head of a lighter. i was surronded by so much negativity. my dad drinks all the time. my mom can barely make it through for the family. but yet i still have no one to talk to. Now(8thgradeyear) : ive stolen money from my mom and dad just to buy weed. i just want to end it all. ive been embarassed, harassed, talked about, been touched, for to long. right now i only hang with guys. and everyone thinks im a ‘hoe’ but i sometimes beleive them. i let them touch me. i get the wrong kind of attention from guys. i try so hard to fit in. nothing works. my grades are horrible and my parents havent seen them and they praise my little sister for every little thing she does. i hate feeling sober. im happiest whem im not. i want to stop. start new. but no one is letting me. i cry myself to sleep EVERYNIGHT. i.hate.myself. i want to be fixed. i try to miss school every chance i get. i want to move. from everything.

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