I’ve known things that no 13 year old should now. In the fourth grade, i kept cutting myself. i didn’t know why i did it at the time but i know i did it because it felt GOOD. fifth grade year, i kept at it, and understood why. i knew about weed the same year. how to roll a blunt, make a bong. everything. When i went to middle school, i had no friends. my bestfriend left me for the girl i hated. i acted fake to get into the ‘group’ it worked. i was called a ‘popular’ i got into drinking partys. 7th grade: had some REAL friends. acted myself. took pills. obssessdover my weight. when im only 90 pounds. hated all my classes. one filipino in a school of mexicans/black. (norasism) but they were being extremely rascist towards me. my eyes. hair. body. culture. i couldnt take it. everyone would say something about me. i started burning myself with the head of a lighter. i was surronded by so much negativity. my dad drinks all the time. my mom can barely make it through for the family. but yet i still have no one to talk to. Now(8thgradeyear) : ive stolen money from my mom and dad just to buy weed. i just want to end it all. ive been embarassed, harassed, talked about, been touched, for to long. right now i only hang with guys. and everyone thinks im a ‘hoe’ but i sometimes beleive them. i let them touch me. i get the wrong kind of attention from guys. i try so hard to fit in. nothing works. my grades are horrible and my parents havent seen them and they praise my little sister for every little thing she does. i hate feeling sober. im happiest whem im not. i want to stop. start new. but no one is letting me. i cry myself to sleep EVERYNIGHT. i.hate.myself. i want to be fixed. i try to miss school every chance i get. i want to move. from everything.
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I’m not walking in your shoes, …….. you are facing alot, and experiencing alot.
As a person which is sober, and had been down that road your now on, if you can manage to get some new coping skills and stop letting the pot be your solution you have a good cahnce at a better life.
I satrted with the pot at 13, yet was drinking and using valium at 10. From 13 I started with the mushrooms, acid, “T”, PCP, Barbituates, and Cocaine before I hit 18.
I stopped alot of it for a few years. Novenmber of 86 I started with the Cocaine again, drinking everyday, Cocaine every weekend, then went to crack wich was just about everyday.
Hit bottom in 92, sobered up for 4 years 9 months, then slipped. Sober then not sober, back and forth.
Alcohol was just a symptom, it was a solution to the problem and the problem was me. Sober over a year now.
I can say with some certainty that if you continue what your doing your life is going to become a living hell. You may think it can’t get any worse, it can and will.
Seek out an AA, NA, CA, meeting etc. they may just have an answer for what ales you.
These meetings have all ages of people, your not to young and you will feel acceptance there like youv’e never felt before in your life.
Well, sweetheart… I am not judging you. AT ALL.
I see where you’re coming from. I was exactly the same as you (I’m a Sophomore now) in 4th grade on up. Except, in 4th grade, I knew what I was doing.
I started pot at 12. I started drinking at 11.
I acted fake for awhile, and was “Popular”. Heh. Until the popular girls saw all my cuts and burns. Then, they revealed me to the entire school. I was a mess.
I have body dismorphia, so my body was everything to me. I obsessed, and starved myself and over dosed on meds I didn’t need to lose weight. And neither do you. You sound really pretty, don’t do that to your body.
Also, I was the only German in my class. So I was singled out a lot too.
Crying helps, actually. It gives you a chance to let it out. I don’t blame you for that. AT ALL.
I agree with them ^^^^ above me.
I have been clean from weed for 6 months, 1 week and 3 days. And alcohol since 2009. I don’t wanna slip up this time.
You sound like a very lovely girl. And I hope the best for you. Email me if you want Mtmmemphis_Kaitelynne@yahoo.com
Try to find a counselor, group, or therapist that will help you.
Since you want to get fixed it would be wise of you to talk to someone that can help.
Hey, I’m 14 and in the 9th grade right now. You just did what you had to. You had no other choice. People do the craziest stuff to make themselves feel whole. You can’t blame yourself ’cause of that. I get bullied everyday, and I see how the acceptance of people now-a-days have become so hard. The state you’re in right now have been suffered by alot. I know you’d say it’s too late, but try and think about it, make a new start, start a job and make some money, run away to some place different if that’s possible. Well, I wanna do that, but I can’t. Don’t you just wish you could let go and fly away? *sigh.
No problem, glad I could relate to you.
don’t use because you will have an addiction that you will have to quit. so don’t get hooked. you are still young enough to choose not to follow that path of false hope(dope smoking). if you can be real and be happy do it. don’t let your friends deside for you. take a stand and so no to dope. as you get older you will have more choices in your career options.