The kind that’s numbing, the kind that puts you in a perpetual fog and makes you want to sleep all day.
I’ve been depressed for the past five years. Lately I’ve been feeling okay most of the time, but then there are moments of weaknesses when I’m alone, when I’m overwhelmed by the futility of it all. When thoughts of suicide arrive, I’m not even surprised anymore. I’m a senior in high school and I keep feeling like I’m on the verge of fucking up whatever chance I have at a future, but the thing is, I can’t see myself living past twenty; I don’t think I could take living and feeling and thinking like this all the time.
I have no one to talk to. I’m the listener, the advice-giver, and I believe myself when I tell someone, “Everything’s going to be okay,” but I don’t believe it when someone tells me the same.
I’m so lonely.