I’m Scared…I hate myself for this…

November 7th, 2011by ASpilledCanvas

At first I would like to start, I have a very off background that I would not like to get into at the moment, I wanna get straight to the point.

I’m scared right now.. and I hate myself for it.

I am trying to think I am pretty, I am, I started to wear short sleaves again and not hide under my bracelets. I have scares, deep scares, and the word “perfect” scared on my arm, all the way up to my elbow. I don’t worry about my other scares because they are in certain other spots but I want to not be scared. I wanna be able to go out and walk the streets or even go to work or school with out being lectured or questioned about my arms. I even like a guy from work…. but I am so scared because I don’t know what to do…. He says things about suicide, because, he is one of those people who don’t fully understand it. We talk about so I know about his past and he has always felt like it, but he is basically a solider of life. He never tried to harm himself, ever, no scars, no drugs, nothing like that. His skin is so clean compared to mine. And I  hate it, it scares me, I’m so scared now, just when I start to feel a little better…. he said some things last night so now I’m scared all over again. I cried myself to sleep because I cant help that I scared so bad.. and that they are so noticeable… I just don’t know.. and now I’m scared to even ask him out… and i hate myself for being so scared… and feeling so ashamed… I just wish I knew what to do with myself..

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