And I mean like always. When Im around people, I mean anyone (friends and family too, though I let my guard down a bit with my family) I have a big smile plastered on my face. It’s ridiculous really, when I talk to my therapist and I’m telling her about my suicidal thoughts, I have a smile on my face. I mean i’ll be telling her about how much I want to stab myself repeatedly with a huge knife and see all the blood oozing out and I’ll have a huge fucking smile on my face. I really don’t get why I do that. And it’s not like Im happy about this, it’s really hard for me to say those things aloud and when I do I feel so many emotions inside, and certaintly none of them are happy, more along the lines of scared, sad, and lonely
You could literally tell me in public “you’re fat” in all seriousness and I will smile at you, or maybe laugh. I’ve had two therapist and neither really understood my reason for doing that, and i don’t really understand it either.
I guess thats why people are always so shocked when they find out the things in my head.
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I’m the exact same way.
I’ve never been to a therapist, so I wouldn’t know their reliability.
What I find is it’s a defense mechanism; it allows me to hide the important/afraid parts of myself from people, that way they won’t get too close to me… because people who get close to me have the potential of hurting me. It happens all too often.
The biggest, vibrant smiles I give out are always right before I cry, or when I am feeling the worst. That’s when I laugh the most. To me, laughing is like crying. Because It always feels like I should be crying, but I can’t. So I laugh instead, and pretend that whatever is going on is comical, and people think I’m happy.
It’s not really the best way to go about things. I feel bad that you’re in that situation, and it’s unfortunate that your therapists couldn’t give you any insight as to why it happens that way.
i’m the same way, also. i think its that i want people to think that it doesnt affect me. when i take the shit they say to fuckin heart. i dont want to seem weak. so, i smile.
I have a friend like that. She giggles and smiles whenever she is nervous or upset. I think it’s a subconscious way of ‘whistling through the graveyard’.