it all ends tonight

  November 20th, 2011 by 13vida

tonight, i know it’s not going to do much, but i’ll start taking the pills again. 10 melatonin, 6 almost hurt me too much last time. it’s to kill the pain, to feel only numbness. i don’t know what’ll happen, i don’t know if i’ll chicken, but i’m sorry to anyone that’s ever been hurt, to those who failed, and to those who succeeded in doing the impossible. i hope that those lives that i touched are forever touched and will live a bit longer, if not for anyone or yourselves, for me. if i do make it to morning, i’ll let you know and beg for forgiveness, if not, i’m sorry.

i can’t take it any longer, i want to feel the numbness swim through my veins, consume me like a hellish fire. i know this isn’t a good thing, i know i attempted the impossible and failed, but i hope this time i will never be hurt again.

i’m sorry to my brother, mostly, because he was suppose to come in may for my early birthday present, he was suppose to help me get my dream car, that el camino, and he gave me a summer job six months in advance. he promised me that if i did do this, he would find some way to kick my ass, but i don’t know what’ll happen.ร‚ย Aaron, i’m really sorry, i truly am. i don’t mean to me a little snot, a little brat, or even seem selfish. every time i tell him wat i did, i kill him. i don’t want to kill him anymore, i don’t want him to hurt.

i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. im too confused, i’m too scared, too selfish. what do i do? what am i suppose to do?

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