jusT the way its gonna bE

Ok, I am totally against ddestroying ones self but really I am destroying myself everyday..Laying in the dark high on opiates is the best you can let go of all those thoughts running threw your head you feel good for once and your carefree all the negative thoughts go away they dont matter anymore you feel more comfortable in public no anxiety it all gets blown away and if you do enough its a peacful death its like you slowly fall asleep and you feel great and your so comfortable and warm and fuzzy happy feeling and then you say to yourself i wanna live so i can have this feeling again so u splash water on your face and recoop but thats just it….in a fucked up way trying to kill myself with oc 80s and opana 40s saved my life because i was new to these drugs but was told if i did a oc 80 and a opana 40 i could die but i didnt and the feeling was so good it gave me the will to keep on keepin on,now i have somthing to live for and ill chase that feeling for ever until it finnaly does for me what i couldent do on my own………