Hello.
I loved one man for 5 years. I was ready to kill for him…
I have MDD. When my depression became uncontrollable and I wanted to talk to someone or cry almost constantly, I started to take antidepressants. I tried to talk to doctor, but she only maked me feel worse… Then I found strong antidepressants and tranquilizers by myself.
I know that dose was much more than I needed… But I couldn’t control myself. I only wanted to shut up and swallow my problems, not to cry in front of him, not to disturb him with my fucked up mind…
Two weeks later I was hospitalized with overdose… I had seizures… I never felt myself so bad before…
I decided that if I will stay alive, I will never again take any drugs…
…
We are living together since October of this year…
I’m still addicted to antidepressants…
I hate them, I want to stop, I want my life back… My friends, parents, my former apartment… Everything is gone… I have him now… But I’m afraid, he is tired of me… I know that I’m a monster now… Anorexic fucking monster… I stole money from my family for him…
He just takes what I give him… No thanks… No compassion… No talks… No hugs…
He doesn’t need me now, in my current state…
Nobody needs…
I destroyed my life and all his warm feelings to me, if he ever had any…
2 comments
Everybody can use hugs, I haven’t had a decent hug in over a year.
Everyone is more valuable than they think.