Kill Me, I’m A Monster…

  November 6th, 2011 by DeadSilverSky

Hello.

I loved one man for 5 years. I was ready to kill for him…

I have MDD. When my depression became uncontrollable and I wanted to talk to someone or cry almost constantly, I started to take antidepressants. I tried to talk to doctor, but she only maked me feel worse… Then I found strong antidepressants and tranquilizers by myself.

I know that dose was much more than I needed… But I couldn’t control myself. I only wanted to shut up and swallow my problems, not to cry in front of him, not to disturb him with my fucked up mind…

Two weeks later I was hospitalized with overdose… I had seizures… I never felt myself so bad before…

I decided that if I will stay alive, I will never again take any drugs…

We are living together since October of this year…

I’m still addicted to antidepressants…

I hate them, I want to stop, I want my life back… My friends, parents, my former apartment… Everything is gone… I have him now… But I’m afraid, he is tired of me… I know that I’m a monster now… Anorexic fucking monster… I stole money from my family for him…

He just takes what I give him… No thanks… No compassion… No talks… No hugs…

He doesn’t need me now, in my current state…

Nobody needs…

I destroyed my life and all his warm feelings to me, if he ever had any…

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