November 2nd, 2011 by solitudejd13

I don’t know the point of this website.. but I’m feeling extremely helpless and alone at the moment and I googled I’m dying and this is where it brought me.  I think about suicide every hour of every day, I don’t feel good enough to keep going at this point. I can’t talk about anything, my life is so complicated. I don’t feel like writing/typing/telling a novel so no one can help me.
I am in college, and everything was great and I felt like my life was finally on track and then all of a sudden one day I just wanted to die. The pressures that surround me everyday keep me from getting out of bed in the morning. I am in so much debt, for some reason it’s impossible to get a job where i live, I haven’t gone to class in weeks and I feel i’m too far behind to catch up. Everything is crumbling around me and I feel hopeless. None of my family wants anything to do with me, no one will help me. I am alone. I am nineteen years old and I can’t even summon the strength to get up in the morning and walk ten minutes down the street to sit in class. I have been completely antisocial lately.
I tried going to a counciller but I just feel like no matter how much I speak nothing is ever going to change. These feelings aren’t going to go away, no one is going to get me out of the debt that I’m in, no one in this world is compassionate enough to hire a girl desperate for a job just because they are broke and struggling, no one is going to make my mother love me, no one is going to make my father want a relationship with me. There is nothing left to care about, there is nothing left for me here. I’m so close to my breaking point now, I can feel myself getting weaker and weaker and caring less and less about everything and everyone in my life. I am not heartless, I am just so lost. I don’t think I’ll ever find my way.

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