Every way I turn there are no answers, everytime I I get near to a resolution the door slams shut one way or another.
I have a daughter – she is my world but me and her mum split up year and a half ago. At the time of this everyone I knew slipped away too apart from my parents. I spend most of my time on my own now apart from at work. I find it difficult to get motivated with anything apart from my daughter.
I live my life for her now, I work for her, I pay the mortgage so she can one day inherit my home but I spend most of the time on my own. It is like I only exist to about 4 people.
I can’t change jobs as I can’t afford a pay cut, but I have been promoted in my work but now I am shut away in a corner of an office barely speaking to anyone all day.
I am 29, my ex has moved on with a baby on the way and I have got lost and fogotten about. My phone only rings when my Dad calls me, the only emails I get are spam and I had had enough. I hate the area I live but I can’t move away as I would see my daughter less – and she’s all I have.
The only thing keeping me going is that she adores me as I do her, but I live my life like this for a few days a week with her.
all the ‘friends’ I have helped in the past don’t seem to want to keep in touch as their lives are all going well last time I heard.
I have started selling all my stuff off bit by bit on internet auctions almost like in preparation of killing myself. I have thought about who would actually be at my funeral, parents, my sister, and about 3 people from work. The only saving grace is that if I do end it my daughter will benefit finacially through my flat and my life insurance. She would also then not be dumped around from my house to her mum’s and would become more settled.
I don’t know why I am writing this on here to be honest, but as I do it shows me how crap things are and it almost makes the decision in my head a lot more clearer.
3 comments
“The only thing keeping me going is that she adores me as I do her”
And you need more reasons than this? Why?
Not having a father, specially a loving father as you seem to be, is certainly not going to make your daughter’s life any better, stop deluding yourself.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, ………. get out into the world and live.
Join the RotaryClub, Knights of Columbus, Pottery clubs, there are literally hundreds of ways to put your self outthere where you will meet the Next love of your life.
I think the same thing about my son bouncing from one house one week to the other the next week. I just want him to have a stable, normal life. I feel your pain of feeling stuck. I wish I could get a new job, wish I could move away from here, wish I could start all over. But it certainly isn’t that simple at all.