Maybe helpful?

I just stumbled on this page accidently.  But maybe this will be helpful.  My older sister committed suicide over 20 yrs ago.  I have mental illness in my family and several of us have it, including myself.  I grew up with an alcoholic father and uncaring mother to give you a short and fast history of my family.  Due to my mental history (suffering with bipolar disorder for 24 yrs, since I was 18) and dealing with the loss of my sister, I attempted suicide 6 yrs ago.  I took my psychiatric medication plus some medical meds and as much tylenol as I could swallow.  Back then I would say unfortunately, I did not die.  Now, I would say fortunately I did not die…Since then I made a 100% turn around in my life—it took a lot of time dont get me wrong!

I  changed my job, dumped my addict boyfriend, (who back then I thought was the best man alive for me) and moved out of my parents house.  I wanted to do all of these things, but really in my power I felt I could not, back then.  After feeling like shit because of all the pills, being hospitalized (once again!!) and realizing I couldnt even kill myself right I decided I had to make changes.  I am sure there is a part of you that doesnt want to die, cuz you wouldnt be on this page, I sure didnt think about reaching out to someone back then.  Now, I am actually married to a man I love (and marriage is not easy believe me!!!) and thinking of having children soon.  I am in a place I never thought I would be.  It may sound cliche, but all of what I am saying is true…If its possible for anyone to hold off on killing themselves, just think about it.

I have been in the darkest of days, been out of my mind literally because of medication side effects, depression, mania, delusions, paranoia, been locked up in the quiet room and had over 8 people “jump me” to sedate me and my life has not been pretty by far!! But in some strange way all of that fucked up shit has brought me to today….