My Own Haunts

  November 7th, 2011 by ASpilledCanvas

Down and down I tumble
Towards the end of it all
Feeling so hurt and dead
Just a constant reminder
I wish to bleed
Nothing more to carve away
I want it.
God, I crave it more.
To dig away my skin.
To hide away all the reminders
It will be no better
Probably not. But I hate myself
More for leaving proof
Dreadful memories of what I am
A deep insane mental case
Who tried to end herself many times
Now with marks everywhere
Ashamed and forever frightened
To be judged and lectured
To show off my body to my love
For even my most intimate parts are scared
This is disgusting, I should get rid of it
Hide away all the evidence
And drink till I remember nothing
I do not wish to be constantly reminded
I want to feel like I am strong and I have prevailed.
I have not
Because I simply sit here and write
My little chubby fingers furiously moving on the keys
To express the words I can not speak
To tell you what I dare  not say for I will do nothing
Nothing but cry my self to sleep and have nothing but nightmares
To distract myself from being stupid
And not making the same mistake the 2,006th time
I simply can not forgive myself
I don’t think I ever will because I can’t deal
Because I have disorders that I don’t treat
I will constantly reminder myself
And let others know
That I have once and may again
Try to take my own life.

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