Opportunity not taken

  November 1st, 2011 by caucajun32

I had planned on today being the day. I woke when roomate left for work at 6am. I set up the “tank” affixed the line and mask to my face and couldn’t do it at first. I Kept taking it off and putting it back on. This went on for 4 hrs. The last time I put it on, I actually opened the valve and inhaled possibly 2 breaths, I felt a great deal of panic as I felt something was happening, I was on the edge of passing out, yet the panic and heart rate was thru the roof.

I am so freaking scared to continue to live, and I can’t be man enough to just keep breathing the gas until I passout.
I wish I had a gun, I always said to myself I would never use a gun, yet its so instantanious, as soon as the trigger releases the hammer, Bang. Its all over.

This sucks, I now have to find a way to get this done again. If no one is around I will try the gas again.

I’m so freakin scared to live or die, I hate being a whimp about this, I need to man-up and kill myself.

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