I had/have a happy life, nice family, nice home, food on my table, were not rich, but we get by. In a way you can say I have more than what most people dont have. It all started in middle school. Everything was going good, I was happy, I had friends, everything was well. Then just all of a sudden I wouldnt wanna go to school. My mom would drop me off, we’d be in the car and all of a sudden I would just start crying and saying that I didnt want to go to school, I didnt want to go to school. I […]
November 2011
I am so lucky. I have everything a 19 year old girl could want. I have opportunity, am working myself towards getting a good college education without any debt. Parents who love me. I have no financial problems. I have had no traumatic experiences in my life. I’m decent looking, not beautiful, but not ugly. I don’t drink alcohol. Never smoked weed, never tried drugs, I drive the speed limit and tip generously. I’m blessed with all these wonderful things, but I’m not given what every person on Earth wants. To be happy.
I sound pretty stupid right now. Being given everything and still not […]
Do second chances exist?
Pray for me. Pray for all of us.
Mistakes are abundant in our flawed humanity.
My friend once told me to sit and wait for her. The meaning to this is i lived far away from her and i told her about my suicide thoughts. So she said just sit and wait for me to get there. After a year of waiting and trying to get through this pain without her, i got a call. It said that she had killed herself and left a note for me. The note said ” If your reading this than you sat and waited. I never came to you because i couldn’t have seen you just like i was.” Reading those words were […]
Sometimes when trying to find the right song you seem to be drawn back to the same track. This has always been mine. I’m certain I will die to this song.
They say that Life is a difficult path.
You don’t choose where you are born.
You don’t choose your family.
You are fragile your first years, and most of what happens during those years stay with you.
You are taught what’s right and wrong or you find about it the hard way.
You interact with others, and you hurt them or they hurt you.
Life is indeed mysterious. Eat, Work, Live?
There’s no manual for successful life. There’s no manual for happiness.
Why is it that u can get scared to kill yourself? i have waited so long, yet when i get the chance im scared of the pain. why would i be when just living is a worse pain then stabbing yourself? I read somewhere that when you are scared it means you actually dont want to do it. But i KNOW this is what i need to do. leave a note? or just leave so its less painful? there are so many questions to be answered about suicide. Â Sometimes even when there are happy stuff in your life, you still want to die. but i […]
this is my first post , i do not know if i am doing this the right way. i was kind of looking for a prosuicide site and found out that there aren’t any! or that i could not find it. i find myself begging to god to please kill me, i know that i am not going to kill myself soon. i do not know why. i just see the future as a huge load of misery and i really don’t want to go on. i am sixteen and nowone around me understands or cares. my friends don’t take it seriously and just think […]
I’m new to the site, so I dont really know what to write, well how to start that is. I’m pretty normal, nothing bad has never really happened to me, nice family, ok house, not poor, but not rich, nice friends, never abused, bullied for a month or two when I was younger; but that’s it. A pretty good life. But the one thing, that I think brings me down the most is how I am emotionally. It can take a lot to bring me down at times, it usually depends on who you are. But I get sad easily, whether its someone yelling at me, […]
i feel like dying but its not worth it. i have been through a lot such as…sexually, physically, and emotionally abused by my parents. Anyway Jesus will never put more on you than you can bare, and besides he died for us and he went through a lot and did not give up, so why should we give up? I have been in foster care for four years, and it is not good to me. I am always going to one house after another, i have been in like 15 placements… plus hospitals. Anyway just KEEP TRYING!!
Im Dammed if i do. I’m Dammed if i don’t.
As darkness look’s at me. For i walk in to the night.
For my soul can not be saved. As i walk in to the moon light. Forever my soul sleep.
It feel’s there is no escaping for me. The curse of the moon is with me. Darkness walk’s with me. The sun can’t shine down here. Where i’m at.
I was a philosophy major in college. I was really good at it. I thought it would help me see the big picture as I worked through life, and I wouldn’t get so bogged down in the little things. That was a silly thing to think. Humans are creatures capable of a great deal more than other organisms, but we are still organisms in an environment. We have to work to meet certain needs for ourselves. We are social animals. We need to feel loved and useful. No matter how well-trained you think your mind is, despair will always creep in if you don’t remember […]
Can You imagine, yesterday i saved 16 people, but today seems like nobody can help me. Feels like i give up. I have lots of money problems and i feel so weak and tired, that keeping alive just coz of people who loves me, even they cant help me.
Im in a bottom. No more power. Exhausted. Can’t fight. Can’t die. Can’t stand up. But also can’t give up.
Closing my eyes and going through it blinded.
Blinded to see the world, truth or dreams.
My religion also obliges me into this blindness. If i will fuck up everything here i will come back to this shit on next […]
A chance has presented itself
this maybe my last chance to say goodbye to the world
I haven’t been here long but it’s nice to know that I’m not alone since many people here have similar experiences with me
I guess I’ll opt out first 😀
See you guys when I see you again
I am alone, have plenty of opportunity, and am isolated enough where I could do it. Â To be honest, I don’t know if that makes me a coward or not. Â But I feel trapped and tired at the same time.
From an outsider’s pov, it seems like I’ve got everything going for me – studying in another country, top of the class, blah, blah, blah. Â In reality, I have no one, no family or real friends. Â My so-called parents just use me to play psychiatrist and pay their bills, even when I haven’t lived with them in over six years. Â It didn’t ever matter that I […]
Quote from this thing i wrote about my beliefs on my computer:
‘Sometimes i’m wondering though, if this is all just an alien experiment and everyone else is in on it and i’m the only ‘human’ here. Maybe i created this world with my mind and it’s all in my head, maybe i’ll find out when i’m dead.’
Goodbye
Anyone get the hint?
This is partly my introduction and partly my confession. I don’t know to how many it will matter, but I never am able to talk about this in person so maybe it will be therapeutic to just write it up here. My life hasn’t been as tragic as some of the posts I have read. My family was never abusive. Excluding a year or two spent with a violent and belittling stepfather I grew up in pretty comfy surroundings. For most of my life I was able to maintain a few friends even if I had to kind of fake it. I’ve largely given up […]
They say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But what if your problem isn’t temporary? What if you have depression or an illness or whatever for years and it will never ever go away?
I’m tired. I’m 29 yrs old and I feel like I’m 90. So much effort…but for what? I “seem” to have everything, but I feel like I have nothing. I don’t understand why it was so important to my parents that I become “something.” Well, I am “something” now, but nobody is impressed. I spent most of my life busting my ass – to make “something” of myself. People are more impressed by those who have families and are stay at home mothers – not a “career girl.” My last boyfriend of 2 years canned me because I made twice his salary. Guys don’t want […]