All I have ever wanted was to be great at something. I don’t want to be the type of girl who never figures out who she is and what she’s good at. I can’t be happy with my life if I end up being a stay at home mom who depends on her husband. I don’t want to sit at home and wonder what I could have done with my life. I know what I want but it seems nearly impossible to get there.
All I want to do is write about music. I am a great writer, I have been since I was in Elementary School and I am crazy about music. I feel like everyone around me says that but I know so much about music and if I don’t know something about a band I’m itching to hear them, read about them, know them. I don’t narrow myself down to one genre, I listen to everything. I give everything a chance. My dream would be to interview musicians, to review bands live performances, or anything like that. Even if I’m not at the very top I want to be involved in music. It has saved my life on numerous occasions and I idolize every band that I listen to. They are all amazing to me and I wish I could tell them that every single day.
I took a music course last year in college and it was more geared toward musicians and I am definitely not a musician, just a fan. So I struggled every single day with not only school work but everything else that has gone wrong in my life. I nearly made it through the first year but I hit rock bottom and eventually missed so many classes I had to drop out. I didn’t learn very much in the semester and because of my depression I just couldn’t do it anymore.
This year I am taking Journalism, and I have done the exact same thing. I spiralled down into the worst depression I have ever felt in my entire life and I can not bring myself to face my classmates. I need to do this but I just don’t know how.
I feel like my dream of becoming a music journalist is never going to come true. I know you have to fight for your dreams but this depression gets the best of me everytime. I feel like it’s almost time for me to give up. I know no one can help me but myself and I feel hopeless. I am not strong enough to be anyone, I will probably always be a nobody who was meant for better things.
4 comments
I signed up just to comment on this. I study Journalism as well, and want to write about music. It’s been a passion of mine for a while now, so I can relate in a sense.
I’m not sure which university or college you attend, but there may be counsellors or help you can seek that might assist you with dealing with your problems and your studies.
I want you to know your dreams aren’t hopeless though. Don’t be afraid of facing your classmates – depression isn’t rare and many others experience it as well. I know very very few people who wouldn’t understand, or who would think less of you.
Studying may initially be a barrier, and music journalism is a tough field to find work in, but there are solutions and ways around both issues. Depression is a difficult condition to cope with, but I believe it can be worked through with the right assistance.
My advice would be to try and seek out some help from the university/college to get you on the right track. 🙂
But apart from that, if you haven’t already, start a music blog! Start writing about albums you love, gigs you’ve seen, e-mail some independent artists asking for interviews, and once you’ve developed a bit of a portfolio, you can even look around for other sites to contribute to. I don’t get paid at all, but I’ve worked on my own blog for 2 years, and recently started contributing to a couple of other sites. Your dream of becoming a music journalist don’t have to be hindered if you have trouble studying (although a degree may help a bit) – what matters is experience and getting your foot in the door. Plus employers will look very kindly on your initiative.
I know this seems like its turning into career advice, but bear with me.
You clearly have a passion for music and writing, and a wealth of knowledge about bands. I think if you find the right help, you’ll be able to get back on your feet with your studies. But if studying falls through for you, there are plenty of other ways to harness your talent and gain satisfaction from what you’re good at. And I think no matter what happens, you should give that a go at the very least. 🙂 Once you have that ball rolling and you have something to work on, something to better, something to aim at – that motivation can change everything.
There’s strength inside everyone, and some of the strongest strength comes from passion. Seek out some help so you can continue studying, and start writing – you’ll enjoy it! 🙂
Nothing is ever hopeless.
I hope this helps you out a bit.
J x
Thankyou, I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. I just write these little things out because I get so overwhelmed and sad when I’m alone. Its nice to put these thoughts down somewhere.
Your response really did help me, I know I have to put myself back together. I will definitely start a blog or something. Thankyou so much for the advice.
I don’t know where you are geographically, maybe moving yourself to where the musid Hot Spots are around the US may provide an opportunity to get your foot in the door of a small weekly writing in the music sections.
#1 place to be is in the New Orleans music scene ( IMHO ) live here and the music scene is everynight all across the city and surrounding burbs.
Places like Memphis, Nashville, Seatle, Chicago, New York, LA, San Fransisco, and Austin are all music industry hot beds.
I agree with the above poster, it’s a hard business to break into.
You will never know unless you try.
Unfortunately I’m located in Ontario, Canada. Its really unfortunate that bands don’t come here often but when they do I always go to shows. I drive up to six hours to see bands that I think are amazing. I’m thinking about moving to Vancouver/Toronto just because that is where the biggest scene is but my boyfriend is a cop and I am afraid that because those areas are more populated he may be in more danger while working.