Random Thoughts

  November 9th, 2011 by solitudejd13

All I have ever wanted was to be great at something. I don’t want to be the type of girl who never figures out who she is and what she’s good at. I can’t be happy with my life if I end up being  a stay at home mom who depends on her husband. I don’t want to sit at home and wonder what I could have done with my life. I know what I want but it seems nearly impossible to get there.
All I want to do is write about music. I am a great writer, I have been since I was in Elementary School and I am crazy about music. I feel like everyone around me says that but I know so much about music and if I don’t know something about a band I’m itching to hear them, read about them, know them. I don’t narrow myself down to one genre, I listen to everything. I give everything a chance. My dream would be to interview musicians, to review bands live performances, or anything like that. Even if I’m not at the very top I want to be involved in music. It has saved my life on numerous occasions and I idolize every band that I listen to. They are all amazing to me and I wish I could tell them that every single day.

I took a music course last year in college and it was more geared toward musicians and I am definitely not a musician, just a fan. So I struggled every single day with not only school work but everything else that has gone wrong in my life. I nearly made it through the first year but I hit rock bottom and eventually missed so many classes I had to drop out. I didn’t learn very much in the semester and because of my depression I just couldn’t do it anymore.
This year I am taking Journalism, and I have done the exact same thing. I spiralled down into the worst depression I have ever felt in my entire life and I can not bring myself to face my classmates. I need to do this but I just don’t know how.

I feel like my dream of becoming a music journalist is never going to come true. I know you have to fight for your dreams but this depression gets the best of me everytime. I feel like it’s almost time for me to give up. I know no one can help me but myself and I feel hopeless. I am not strong enough to be anyone, I will probably always be a nobody who was meant for better things.

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