Reasons, life story and the plan

I’ll start off by telling you the reasons i wanna die.

I’m a major emetophobe, i have major ocd (people trying to help me said i’m one of their worst case), paranoid, manic depression, anger issues, social anxiety. Mainly my phobia makes me wanna die. And the fact that everyone on this planet is brainwashed, trusting the government thinking they’ll protect us when really they got all our moves and words recorded so they can kill all the poor ones. And they even expect us to trust them when they have all these secret societies and groups that they swear don’t exist and when you get too close to the truth, you get shot dead and they just drop the case. I don’t trust people at all. And another reason i wanna die is because we fucked this earth so fucking hard, look at all this manmade shit, why the fuck do we need it? everything we need is in the nature, water, food, heat and shelter. I honestly hope the earth gets wiped out in 2012. I’m ashamed of being a human, therefore i wanna sacrifice myself

sometimes i’m wondering though, if this is all just an alien experiment and everyone else is in on it and i’m the only ‘human’ here. Maybe i created this world with my mind and it’s all in my head, maybe i’ll find out when i’m dead?

Now, this is how i grew up.

So mum kicked my dad out when i was 8 months old ’cause he treated her like shit and stole her money for booze, he’s an alcoholic in case you didn’t clock on. Mum’s a pill addict, but who am i to moan about that, right?

In school i was the black sheep, everyone made fun of me for being skinny and i got beat up a lot and used to get chased home. They used to punch me in the head, pick me up by the legs and swing me and then let go so i’d fly into the school building head first and kick me, shit like that. This one time in 8th grade i think it was, this guy made a song he sang to me, it was about how he was gonna beat me up and he’d get money from this other by how many hits and where he hit me, they chased me home from school but this one girl from my class i knew (i had 2 friends in school, girls, but i love them, as friends obviously) stopped them and i could run home. i don’t know my dad even if i seem him every now and then, we never talk.

I’ve almost been murdered 3-5 times, people are still out to kill me, well, some are, not as many as before.

Mum and i argue a  lot, she used to kick me out a lot, but not anymore since it’s getting real cold out. but yeah we argue pretty much everyday and we fight a lot. I love her though, even if she can be a real **** sometimes, but then again, so am i.

When i was 14 i had to steal jewellery to afford a meal,  i still have to sometimes but i don’t do it, ’cause i have social anxiety, i can’t ride the bus and i don’t wanna steal shit anymore.

I can’t think of much anymore, but if i do, i’ll just edit it, so now onto the plan.

So, i’m gonna pop 4-5×7.5mg (30-37.5mg) imovane, and i might drink 0,5-1,5mL (20-60mg) alimemazine. Then i’ma do ligature asphyxiation, tie a rope around my neck and block the carotid arteries.

EDIT: Some interests of mine are: making music, drugs, primitive survival stuff, astronomy (want a telescope for a christmas present, if i’m still alive then)