My friend committed suicide the other week. I had no clue. About a year before that i had suicidal thoughts but I never acted on them. I just bottled them up. I convinced myself that they weren’t there. But now that she committed suicide. She has rekindled everything. Its all i think about. But im too scared of the unknown. That there wont be anything after I die.
Plus i have two little sisters and I would hate to leave them like that. But i want to. Just to stop all the anxiety and suffering. I can’t tell anyone about these thoughts because they will send me to a mental hospital and I dont want that. Im so scared. I am always sad and angry. At school, i am so happy and outgoing and no on suspects a thing about what’s really going on in the inside. No one even cares. My mom and dad admitted that i was a mistake and the other day i was suppossed to meet with a grief counselor about my friend and the counselor happens to me my old therapist and she forgot. She never showed up and its been three weeks. I dont fit in in school. Im not pretty like that other girls and im really smart which is a curse.
I really just want to stop suffering. There is so much more to tell but I cant because I promised my mom that i would keep all of her secrets. My parents dont believe in therapy so even talking to them is out of the question. What to do?
12 comments
Speak out. Let your family know before it’s too late.
NO!! They can’t know this. They won’t understand. Its complicated.
I see. Obviously I don’t want to push you or force you to speak out if you don’t feel it is what should be done. I think you should pray for strength and wisdom to deal with these issues. I will pray for you.
Thanks… but i dont need strength or wisdom. I have plenty of that. I just need hope.
Hi Stacey, it sounds like talking to your parents isn’t the right option, but do you know anyone else that you trust and respect that you can talk to in confidence? I recently had a meltdown at work and was feeling very suicidal. In a last resort I told a supervisor that I didn’t know very well but always respected. Even though I didn’t know her that well she was someone intelligent with great values and opening up to her not only helped but gave me a sense of hope. I think the key is to find someone intelligent like yourself with similar values and someone you can trust to keep secrets. To find hope it is really important to find someone like this to open up to as holding it all in is never a good thing.
Yeah i wish it was that easy. I can’t tell anyone without them sending me to a mental hospital again! i dont want that so i guess im just gunna take it to my grave. w/e
There is hope. Please don’t do it. The best thing would be to get help, not necessarily tell your parents, but a trusted adult. You are far too beautiful, and have too much potential to throw your life away. a little less than a week ago, I attempted suicide. I took an extreme amount of Advil in a desperate attempt to alleviate the pain. It was the stupidest mistake I have ever made. A good friend of mine had to come get me and take me to the hospital. I scared and hurt so many people that night, and it showed me that I had a reason to live, and that all these people must love me for a reason. Same goes for you. You would hurt so many people, I promise you that. Who you are, and what you will be is so much more than the pain. You are so much more than the pain. Stay strong. Email me if you’d like. avienduh@yahoo.com
Thanks but i know that i would probably only have maybe 20 at my funeral and they are all family so its obligatory for them. Trust me you just dont understand what its like to suffer everyday and be too afraid to commit suicide so you have to live with it inside of you. its worse than dying itself. at least you had the courage.
It’s interesting that the one thing you need the most, ….(an avenue to express what’s bottled up inside you) is not being allowed by your mom/parents. Anything negative coming from them is only about them, not you. Nothing is a mistake, period. I don’t need to know you to say this. You’ve only been shown or known how to tow the family line and you’ve had to sacrifice the part of you that normally looks after you, and that’s your internal guidance system. We’re all born with it, but we get the disease to please by being good little boys and girls for our parent and forget that we’re precious just because we are and worth so much.
I would look after you. Nurture and care for yourself as best you can. Your task is to understand nothing is more important than that you feel good inside. Operate from that place and you may find out a way to start releasing what you’ve been unnecessarily bottling up within yourself for too long. I come from a pretty dysfunctional family. I have a fairly good idea what I’m saying here. Take good care.
i wish i had someone like you to say that to me in real life. i think that if just one person said that to me in real life that i could see everyday.. it would save my life.
It’s interesting that the one thing you need the most, ….(an avenue to express what’s bottled up inside you) is not being allowed by your mom/parents. Anything negative coming from them is only about them, not you. Nothing is a mistake, period. I don’t need to know you to say this. You’ve only been shown or known how to tow the family line and you’ve had to sacrifice the part of you that normally looks after you, and that’s your internal guidance system. We’re all born with it, but we get the disease to please by being good little boys and girls for our parent and forget that we’re precious just because we are and worth so much.
I would look after you. Nurture and care for yourself as best you can. Your task is to understand nothing is more important than that you feel good inside. Operate from that place and you may find out a way to start releasing what you’ve been unnecessarily bottling up within yourself for too long. I come from a pretty dysfunctional family. I have a fairly good idea what I’m saying here. Take good care.
http://www.nderf.org/beyond_light_pmh.htm
Not sure who your comments are directed to. I’ve been going through my thing going on nine years every day. I have a pretty good idea. Remember, there’s no such thing as death. It doesn’t exist. You only shed your body and move on to another realm. When you focus on thinking negative thoughts, they just attract more. It takes some will power and intention to introduce some good feeling thoughts into your head. Doesn’t matter if you believe you can do it or not…it takes work at the beginning and gets easier once you’ve built up the momentum of attracting more positive good feeling thoughts….it’s up to you. You can do it, it’s just a choice. Research law of attraction. As I said, other people do not matter, only you and that you are feeling good, happy and whole…You are the one to do it for you, and you deserve good things.